Holy. Shit.
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p>Seriously. I need this. I don't care if it's a $300 flashlight, I need it, and when I have it, if you smoke, I'll light them for you. With my flashlight.
-Jon
No Kidding…
So, I've fought against owning a scale for a long time (bathroom to weigh me scale, not kitchen scale. I want a kitchen scale. Will you buy me one? Will ya? Will ya? Will ya?)... I finally broke down and bought one for B and my "Biggest Looser Evah!" contest.
See, I never really cared how much I weighed, because I knew quite well that I wanted to weigh less, and I didn't see how the arbitrary set of numbers based on the effect gravity had on my specific mass at whatever specific point on the earth had to do with me wanted to drop some of my jiggly bits. ... ... ... Now that I have a scale, I remember that anything that has a LED display and can display weight acurate to .2 lbs can be a toy. And so I can now, officially, announce to you that when Jon poops a small poop... .... wait for it... ... he looses 1.4lbs.
I can't wait for a monster to see if my "I feel five pounds lighter" comments are accurate.
-Jon
This May Be a Problem
So. I love video games. I really do. I've gone out and purchased a game system for the ability to play a singe game (more than once, actually). I don't see it as a problem, I just see it as an expensive hobby. There's a game out there that I've wanted to play since it came out. I originally planned on building a computer to play it, but that got sidetracked, then I got engaged. Now I don't know when I'll build a compy (or if I even want to anymore), but I still want to play Half-Life 2. More than that, I want to play Portal.
I've been reading about Portal since it came out and it seems like it's just the right mix of insane and physics bending to make me all happy in my pants. Also: I haven't been able to get the end credits song out of my head. For a week. And it's driving me crazy with the desire to go out and purchase a X360 and the Orange Box. Like woah.
That is a problem.
-Jon
Size of My Fist
So, Magglio (our dog) isn't the most, how do you say? Potty trained dog in the world. He's actually not bad, unless we leave him alone. If we're in the house with him he's fine. Especially when it's cold out side. That's when he really works his bladder. Because he hates the cold. And peeing.
So this morning, after trying to get used to sleeping with something that mildly resembles a slug with blow holes to my face, he wakes me up at six to go outside. Which is fine and expected because he hasn't done anything since before I got home at 6pm yesterday. We went outside (where it's really ridiculously cold) and he pees for seven minutes straight; He didn't want to poop. I didn't want to stay outside. We work it out.
I went back to bed for a while and left him out. When I got up I treaded carefully in case he had deuced somewhere's in my path. Nothing. I turn on the hall light. Nothing. I take a few steps down the stairs to see the other half of the landing, and I swear to god there is a pile of shit the size of my fist. Which is an abnormally large fist. Fortunately he has solid poop and all I had to do was pick it up and spray some cleaner. No scrubbing or anything, but wow dog.
Also: my CPAP is weird.
-Jon
Bachelor Living.
So I'm home alone (well.. with the poop-machine Mr. Magglio) for a couple of days. The kitchen is a mess, there are clothes thrown every which way, and I've just generally caused chaos. It's kinda fun. I don't have the lady home, and it's nice to not worry about what kind of mess I make (in reality, I think I have a few more dishes to do and the counter to wipe off, and there are some socks on the table... but whatever. This is bedlam compared to the status quo around here). I'm about to start a 9 hour day working at the kiosk. The kiosk is going to be nearly contained anarchy in a big-box retailer the day after Turkey day. I'm not sure what to expect, but I'm sure that I'll get home and be ready to pass out. I hope everyone had a good Turkey Day and I'll see ya'll soon. Cool? Cool.
-Jon
My Sworn Enemy
Soon, oh so soon I will have time... ... ... and by soon I, of course, mean like. I'll have a free day the week of Thanksgiving. Maybe.
Anyways, I have an enemy. The bane of my existence, and this is Jon's Ode to the Bane of His Existence -- My Sworn Enemy:
Oh you, who promised such joy, oh you who looked like such fun. You've gone and ruined my days, and if I wore pantyhose I'm sure you'd have given them runs. You suck.
Oh you, who could have been so great, oh you who try to be so much. You've walked over my soul, and eaten it whole, you've taken my hours -- both day and night -- and scrunched them up really tight. They're gone.
That thing you said you'd do, you didn't. That thing you said you'd say, you lied. Those days you promised we'd go fly kites it seems all you wanted to do was wrap me up tight in the lines.
Tonight was going to be so nice, tonight was going to be relaxed. Then you reared up and sucked up my heart and then you ran off to eat Tokyo. You suck.
Was it good?
-Jon
P.S. Yeah. Can you say "Procrastination?"
The Next One
Usually, my room is chill. Like, as in temperature. Jo is usually ok with it. She deals with it, frankly, because I rule. On my way home from work before I started my detox, I was talking to her and she said that my room was cold. Really, I was excited. I love my room cold. Now, I was excited because I thought it was normal Jon room cold. I was wrong. Straight wrong. This place is a frickin freezer. I'm cold as hell, and all I can do is take it. Oh well, when I get off the can I'll try to do something 'bout it. Everything is, by the way, going well. Or, as well as can be expected I assume. Aight, I'm going to watch Encino Man. In my bathroom.
-Jon
Oy
So tired. So very very tired. I have a long day at work, and I'm so very very tired. I don't want to go, I want to sleep. I want to watch some Battletar and I want to watch the Wings. I don't want to work. S*t. I'm going to sleep well tonight.
-Jon