So, I’d never say that Christian Slater is prone to be in good movies. But my goodness. Alone in the Dark was… … I guess this was the most not good/not bad movie I’ve seen in a while. It was right up there with the second Crow movie.

For much of the movie I was really curious as to why Tara was still around. It was like in Scrubs… You knew she didn’t really belong, and J.D. was going to screw it up somehow… but mostly you just wanted to look at her wearing as little as she was wearing at the time. It was… well, she was the best part of the movie. Unless you’re a Slater fan.

Slater did his job well in the movie… which roughly translates to, "Christian Slater showed up and occasionally hit something with his fist or a bullet." Oh yeah, and he said something, and lets face it… Christian Slater has one of the coolest voices ever. Right up there with Keifer and Shatner.

In the end, however, nothing made sense… and that was really the films downfall. Up to the last little chunk, everything could have been salvaged by some sort of, you know, coherent ending. Except the filmmakers decided to foregos story continuity and plot to, instead, go for the Sequel Set-up. Which, if you’ve watch 10 minutes of this movie, you know will never happen.

It’s too bad, too, because the movie could have been good. It didn’t have the potential of, say, Disturbing Behavior, of course… It didn’t have Katie Holmes either. To have those things we wish for… ahh well. Alone in the Dark had nothing to do with the video game it got it’s name from, but to it’s credit, at least it didn’t make the game seem that much worse, you know… like, some movies (of course, I liked that one a lot more… … … now what, exactly, does that say about me?)…

Ok. I’m done being a computer geek. I’m going to bed now. Laters…

Have you ever gone to a restaurant and felt special? You walk in the door, and it’s like your living room — only you pay people to bring you things. I’ve had a few of those places. The Hamlin Pub, the Olde Peninsula, and for a short time this little deli in Rochester (they had damned fine beef barley soup). If you’ve never had that at a restaurant, I highly recommend it. There’s nothing quite like it. At the pub, there were nights that I literally walked in, took off my shoes and had the manager serve my underage friends. To have that kind of influence at a restaurant it just cool. It’s not possible to get it undeserved, and it’s always (almost) as much fun for the folks that work there. Makes the place familial. For as much influence as I’ve had at a restaurant, I’ve never experienced anything like what Doc has over at the Five Lakes.

Running late to one of the special event dinners (the Wild Game Dinner to be exact), we pull into parking lot, five minutes after the dinner was supposed to have started. I was tucking in my shirt, Doc was dressed as he always seems to be going to the Five Lakes, Erin was wearing something that couldn’t ever be described as typical, except that she always seems to be able to dress to impress, and Jamie was wearing the clothes that she had with her. She hadn’t been planning to go to the dinner when she left her house on Saturday morning, she wasn’t planning on not getting back home by Sunday night, this was Monday — and we had a dinner to go to.

Walking into one of the least pretentious fine dining restaurant I could imagine, we’re greeted by Laura. Laura is Doc’s waitress. She scolds us for being late, then escorts us to our table. To say that we were out of place would be like saying that seeing Freddy Krueger at Disneyland is "a little out of the ordinary." The four of us bring the average age in the room down by at least 3 years, and there are about one hundred people in the room. I also think we may be one of three tables in the place to not have someone dressed in hunting gear in honor of the wild game theme. Mostly, however, it’s that the whole show seems to have been waiting on us, the young-uns seated at the the best 4-top in the whole room. As soon as we’re seated, Chef Brian walks to the center (and right in front of us) and starts his presentation. At some point, Doc got Chef Brian to make fun of Erin, that may have happened after the dinner, but I can’t remember. The main thing to note here, however, is that at one of the most popular events at one of the best restaurants in Metro Detroit was held up by us, or — more accurately — Doc. Sir, I salute you.

"All of that’s fine and good, Doc’s the man, I get it… what about the food?" I hear you ask. Well, to say that the food was good would be like calling The Shawshank Redemption "a pretty good flick." To call the food absolutely fantastic beyond description would be like saying that the Cuban Missile Crisis was kinda scary.

First Course:

Roasted Garlic Soup with Piperade Puree, soft boiled quail egg and smoked duck ham. This dish came with a warning. The warning was, "Don’t worry, even though it looks like your egg is bleeding, that’s just the Piperade puree." This was quite simply put the best soup I’ve ever had. The Piperade puree was, essentially, a red pepper puree that was put on the bottom of the bowl, with the soup poured on top. The quail egg was placed dead center with the smoked duck ham on top of that. It was incredible. It was fantastic. It was Chef Brian’s take on Bacon and Eggs.

Second Course:

Poele of Squab with Pan-seared Foie Gras, crisp granny smith apple and roasted yellow beets. I, still, don’t think I’m entirely sure what Poele of Squab is. I know that Squab is a bird, and my guess is that "Pole of Squab" is either a certain part of the Squab, or a certain way of preparing/presenting said Squab. Am I typing out Squab more that I have to? Yes. I like the sound of the word Squab, and this whole "Squab" business is amusing me. (Squab, squab, squab) Silliness aside, the Squab was really really good. It reminded me of Turkey, only more tender, moist, and tastier. And smaller. And it was Squab and not Turkey. The crisp granny smiths and roasted yellow beets were incredible. Sweet, tart, savory; any and all expectations I had for apples and a root were, quite simply, blown away. This leaves us with the Foie Gras. To describe the Foie Gras with words would be doing it a disservice.

Third Course:

Slow roasted Loin of Port Huron Fallow Deer with Grilled Cepes, celery root gratin, sweet potato and venison pancetta gnocchi, Chestnut puree and red current demi. So, once again, I’m at a loss to describe (or, more accurately just don’t know) what all this course was. I saw it, ate it, and enjoyed the hell out of it. But there was some orangeish-yellowish stuff that I’m not sure if it was the celery root gratin, sweet potato gnocchi or what. It was fantastic, and I think that it was my favorite part of the course. I just don’t know, exactly, what it is. The veal, best I’ve ever had. It was just incredible. If you’ve never liked veal, you’d have loved this. If you love veal, you’d have pee’d your pants with delight. It was simply incredible.

Fourth Course:

Salad of Pheasant Confit, Mache, caramelized root vegetables, Salsify white truffle vinaigrette. This was really good, and a complete change of pace from the rest of the dinner. Most of the dinner was rather heavy. Not in a bad way, but venison, Foie Gras, Squab — these things are dense. They’re fabulous, wonderful and tasty as hell, but also very dense. This was an extremely light salad of mixed greens, with the Pheasant Confit. Pheasant Confit, in my mind, could most easily be described as extremely high class jerky. Only, that doesn’t begin to describe it. Anyways, it was a really good salad, the dressing was (I think I’ve used this word a lot) incredible, and the Pheasant Confit was just great. I’ve written a lot so far on this night, and I’m loosing steam…

Fifth (and final) Course:

Warm Fig Turnovers with Dried Strawberries and strawberry sorbet. This is the easiest course to describe, I know what’s in it and you know what’s in it. But knowing fig newtons and Hagen-Daz does not an expert make. Just imagine the best strawberry sorbet you can imagine and make it better. You’re getting the idea. The turnover was also, in the vein of the evening, splendid.

That night I ate like a king in more than one way. There were a myriad of people just scuttling around waiting to do my bidding, I was eating wild game — like Kings did, and the whole shindig was on hold because of me… … well, Doc. So, I was probably eating more like a high ranking Duke, but still.

Ok, but only for a minute…. ……… yeah, I was making a Sports Night reference there.

Anyways, I went to one of Lore’s pages just now, and it was neat… if a little — well — dull. See, he reviews web-toys, and he does this every day. One of the toys he reviews is really, quite possibly the most seriously stupid things I’ve ever seen in my life. I’m drunk, not so hardcore drunk that I won’t remember what I did tonight tomorow, but drunk enough to know that, while I’ve corrected many many mis-typings in this post, I probably haven’t corrected all of them. Anyways, I’ve managed to get through Super Slueuth with not one mistake. Actually, I wonder what the "toy" will do to me if I make a mistake… … … let’s find out…

… … … wow. That’s f*ing lame. Really. Really f*ing lame. Lame with a capitol "L" even.

Ok. I’m going to walk away from my computer now. And there is nothing that you, sir or madamn, can do. AAAAAAAAhhhhhhh ha ha ha!!!!!

P.S. Signed, the Unstopable Force — Care of : Wonder Woman.

I just watched the series premier of that new medical investigation thinggy on Fox. By the way, it was created by Brian Singer, you know B. B directed The Usual Suspects and X-Men (along with the superior in quality but not in title, X2: X-Men United).

Anyways, I’m tired and I don’t have a full review to give, but the show is really really good. Not "super great," but good enough that I highly recomend it to everyone out there.

Also, why is it that every competitive reality TV show has to do the freaking eliminations? Seriously, what’s with that? You can’t get a real, true, full evaluation of someone based on the short periods of time that these shows use. Oh, and, really. To anyone out there producing and directing reality TV. Orchestra hits are, while semi-effective enhancing drama, are becoming the gated reverb of the 2000s. End it. Use freaking synths for all I care, just mix it up!!!

Yeah, that’s all I got.

I spelled "asencion" wrong, and I’ve decided not to fix it. So deal. Sucker.

Long story short… T.C. from Mallrats is a med student working at the morgue. Finds the body of Dracula from Dracula 2000 in his morgue. All the, oh, you know… Characters and story elements from the fist one are no more, they just start over, from the end of the first movie. So, T.C. figures out that it’s a vampire. Suddenly gets a call, and decides that since he’s dealing with something that he knows nothing about, and was just offered… oh. I think it was 30 million dollars. He has both A) A profit making body, and B) the need to go and figure out the secrets so that he can profit more than 30 Mil. Dumbass.

Long story short, Bruce Lee from Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story is a priest. I guess. But he’s "A preist with a secret…" Who "lives in both the light and the dark and belongs to neither…" Or some crap. I couldn’t really figure it out, but as near as I could tell *SPOILER ALERT!!* He’s a vampire that isn’t quite a vampire and hunts other vampires. Also, the white thing in his collar is important… and irreplaceable. He must keep the same one… always.

To make this long story that’s trying to be short and failing longer… Roy Scheider (Yes, the captain from Sea Quest: DSV) shows up for a cumulative three minutes. Don’t worry, it makes less sense in the movie.

In the end, it’s a crappy crappy movie. But. You know, whatever. Get some booze, prefrebly hard stuff… Yukon Jack, Whiskey. Everclear. Whatever. Drown your sorrows, and watch this movie. You’ll love it. If, however, you’re not drinking… it’s. Well. Some chick kills her cat, then wonders why. Yeah, that about sums it up.

I want my own 80’s rap theme song. Think about it, how cool would it be to have the Jon-based Ghostbuster’s Rap (To hot to handle, to cold to hold… you call the GhostBusters and it’s in controll…)… or What about the Ninja Rap (Go Turtle, Go Turtle GO!!!!)? Personally, my favorite is from The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (not to be confuesd with the Ninja Rap from TMNT 2: The Secret of the Ooze): T-U-R-T-L-E Power… What a song.

It’s the theme song to the movie who’s soundtrack was the first album I ever purchased. Yeah. I know. I was a dork back then too… My first concert was the New Kids… however, it was by force… my Dad got the tickets durring the two weeks it was O.K. to be a guy and to be "Hangin’ Tough" then the concert itself was after those two weeks… it wasn’t my fault… Anyways, all this build up has to do with the fact that I just watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for the first time in many many years… This is what I have to say…

The movie stands alone as the single greatest Teenage Muntant Ninja Turtles moving picture there is. I’ve never read the original comics (or were they graphic novels?), but I watched the cartoon as a kid, and I’ve watched many, many episodes of the new cartoon… It’s incredible the number of similarities between the movie and the new cartoon, but I’m not going to get into that now. What I will say is that after all these years, it still stands up on it’s own… Really.

For those of you who don’t know, this movie covers the origin (briefly), first encounter with the Foot, Shredder, April and K.C.. Favorite non-animatronic character? K.C. Jones baby, K.C. Jones. He’s sardonic, ego-maniacal, immature and full of this spaghetti western type machismo that is oh so endeering in movies, and is only mind-numbingly grating in the real world… However, when he get’s this child-like glee from seeing "leftovers" climbing a fire escape, you can’t help but get excited with him… even at the ripe old age of 23. With action, comedy, drama, family tension, and the original movie April O’Neal… how can you loose? Really… if you haven’t seen this movie lately, and you liked the Turtles even a little bit, go check it out again… if you want an excuse, just say you’re going to drink a lot and you want something silly… In conclusion: I give this movie a Popcorn-Flick rating of… 3 Beers (before my fridge was empty of beer)… (I swear, I’ll get a ratings system in place…).