Clichéd Open Letter to The Heroes Creative Team
Dear Mr. Kring, etc.,
I know the whole, "Open Letter" thing is now so common it's a joke. I'm also confident I'm not the first to voice my disapproval of Heroes of late but, dammit, I just can't keep it in anymore. Mr. Kring, you're killing your show.
First off: why, oh why, can you just not follow the rules you've set? You start off with a few people having abilities, all of them seemingly getting them from their parents. Only, if they get the same ability (Matt Parkman, Sylar) or a different one is totally arbitrary and serves only the plot. But then, why does Parkman suddenly get the crazy eyes and painting ability. He didn't even get it from anything. Apropos of nothing, suddenly he was "a prophet." Then he stops painting, but we don't know if he can't or doesn't. So, what is it? Does he see the future? Does he not? Was it a weird manifestation of swine flu?
Second: If you make a character have strong morals, extreme ethics, and the ability to take any other ability... don't you think he'd do something about loosing the girl he loves in a horrible dystopian future as a prisoner? Maybe he could take his time-traveling friend's ability so that he can go save her? No? Ok, how about get his time-traveling friend to take him to the future to help? No? Maybe... mourn? Even just mention her... to anyone... ever. No? Ah-ha! I get it! Having a character make any fucking sense is apparently anathema to you and yours. Asshole.
The biggest thing I've been having a problem with is your immortal characters. And not just the cheerleader. Let me ask you this, why don't you give your story some sort of emotional weight by killing off a character? What? Oh, Veronica Mars? You want to use the Veronica Mars defense? Ok, how's about the "Who Gives a Crap" gambit? You haven't heard of that one? Ok, it goes like this. No one gives a crap if you kill off a character you introduced that season that has no moral center and is, frankly, mostly annoying. Any other characters that you introduced only to die before you could make them interesting enough for us to care? Nope, we don't care about them either. You have a huge cast of really interesting characters that people love. They would be well-served to be thinned out like the deer population. Kill off a few so that the others can thrive.
No, seriously. I stopped caring about these people because they are immortal like Jack Bauer; except it's a very different show you're running. Sure, Jack Bauer has testes the size of an elephant and can yell hard enough to get that vein in his forehead this close to popping; but he's the show. He is the show. After 6 full seasons and most of a seventh, if he died, it's because they were ending the show. In the universe of 24 if Jack Bauer wasn't alive to be in the right place at the right time to do something just outside the rules, the terrorists would win. Always. In Heroes you have a bunch of people who, literally, have super powers. Show us that they are, in fact, human. Kill one and let them be dead. Don't bring back Ali Larter to be her heretofore unknown third identical. Or, if you do, MAKE IT INTERESTING! Have Nathan have some sort of crisis of conscience about screwing this girl that looks just like that other girl he screwed. Have ice-girl have the thought that maybe Nathan isn't really into her, but he's really just trying to relive the crazy Vegas weekend he had with her twin that she never met. Maybe just have someone else comment on the fact that it's really screwed up and nearly incestuous that he's just going around boinking the triplets-McSuper.
Oh, and killing off Nathan in the Volume 5 finale? Yeah. Would've loved it if you had let him just, for the love of all that's holy, let him stay dead. But no, that just isn't good enough for you. Suddenly Matt Parkman is able to make Sylar forget who he is to the point that he's no longer a threat. What? Where was that four seasons ago? By giving Parkman's ability that kind of power (weird sentence, but that was seriously the best I could do) is to make the previous everything-that-has-happened-on-your-show meaningless. It could have ended the first time Matt met Sylar. Maybe stretching it out to the third... sure. But... four seasons? Blow me.
I'll give "Volume" 5 three episodes. If you don't let Bryan Fuller do what he does best (and that would be: Make a show that contains insane fantastical elements make sense(Pushing Daisies anyone?)) we won't be on speaking terms.
-Jon
Sex and the City… … and I need Headphones
So. B has been on a Sex (as in "and the City") kick. Seriously, not two weeks after I got her into Battlestar Galactica, she's got me watching Sex and the City. Which isn't like, the most natural thing in the world for me to watch. I don't have to watch it alone though... I have Ernest Borgnine. Seriously. I have a completely inapropriate excitement in my pants over Hulu. Seriously, I heard about this a while ago... a joint venture between NBC and News Corp. Read another way: A joint venture between two of the more evil companies in the world. One cancelled two Sorkin shows (after firing him from his own creation), the other is run by the guy trying to own and operate all media in the world.
Anyways, I figured it'd be annoying and suck. But, no kidding, if you're offering me Airwolf, In Living Color, Who's the Boss and the Facts of Life... then good lord people, let me in, let me have it and then send me a large tv I can hook a Macmini up to so I don't have to screw around at a table with my computer.
Seriously, I'm going to go watch some Airwolf and ignore the insane ramblings of Kim Cattrall and Sarah Jessica...
-Jon
Fireworks are Not Permitted
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p>Seriously, is that not completely obvious? They're confiscating mouthwash and they think that someone's going to try to sneak a roman candle onto the plane?<\p>
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p class="signoff">-Jon<\p>
I Guess…
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p>Supposing it's two seventeen. Let's say it's there's less than five hours until you need to be awake, showered, and getting into a car to drive to Chi-Town. Supposing it's less than ten hours until your flight leaves to Texas. And assuming that you're hopelessly awake and not at all ready to sleep. What do you do? What... do you do? Me? I watch TV. I keep myself awake watching serialized stories that.. quite frankly... don't live up to expectations or don't live up to seasons six seven or eight. Supposing that I don't make it past three tonight, I won't really get to the... well... to the three A.M. philosophy. Heh. I wanna get back to that though. In as many ways as I could possibly mean it.
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p>
Tonight. I'm going to do my thing. Keep myself up later than I should... then get myself up tomorrow to get a ride (and keep myself up to be a good passenger... because I don't like being a complete s***head)... then I get to read on a plane... maybe sleep. maybe.... ...... ........
-Jon
We Live Here Now
Chandler is Dead. Long Live Matt Albie. Long Live Danny Tripp.
I know, it's not supposed to air for a few more days. I don't give two s**ts. I've seen Studio 60, and I've seen the future.
Do you know who Aaron Sorkin is? Of course not. You're a member of the masses. The flock. The hordes of people who don't realize that after four seasons The West Wing stopped. After four seasons, the writer/creator/exec producer (a credit that at any time is really felonious... ask me later) was fired because he turned in scripts late. He smoked a little Mary Jane. Whatever. Who cares? I don't. The Mother Lover created some of the most interesting characters for television, ever. He created a world in which good things really happened; and people were inspired to think about what was actually going on in the world.
I swear to you. His new show. The one about the late night sketch comedy show.... that's going to create some stirs. It's going to turn things around more than the most provocative politico show. Why? Comedy. Seem obvious? I don't think so. Comedy is the great equalizer. Nothing in this world will bring people together like laugher. Really. Think about the things in your life that have really brought people together. 9/11? The anniversary is coming up. How much closer did you feel that day than the last time you were in a theater full of people laughing at some stupid-ass movie?
I remember 9/11. I woke up after the first tower was hit, before the second. My roommate (one of the world's most kind and considerate citizens) hadn't come down to wake me because he knew how I'd react. I went to my physical therapy appointment, visited a high school friend at her dorm, and sat alone. I watched the two towers as they burned, and had never in my life felt so alone.
I remember the last time I watched some silly movie where everything that could go wrong did, but in the end everyone was happy. Damnit. I'll tell you... nothing is quite the same as watching a movie in a theater with a f**kload of strangers laughing at the same stupid jokes, amazed at the fact that this inane little film has brought all of us together.
I've gotta say -- there isn't anything in this world that can make the serious issues seem as accessible as comedy. You might disagree... but I promise you that if you watch the new Sorkin series at least you will be highly entertained, and at most you might see things from a different perspective that youv'e seen them before.
-Jon
Chris Pirillo Made Me Cry
I Heart Chris Pirillo (to the point of my completely freaking out when he commented in my site a while back)... I really do. I loved watching him on TV, and I listen to his web-radio show/podcast (admittedly, not as much as I'd like) but today Chris Pirillo made me cry.
Today was the day that Chris declared (or, predicted) HD-DVD to be the victor in the Next Battle Royal o' Media Formats(TM). One of the reasons that he cited was either a) Him being woefully uninformed or b) him mistyping. HD-DVD will not NOT NOT play in current generation DVD players. The players will play the current gen discs... but not the other way around (another factual error include the dual layer HD-DVD is not in development, it's the 3 layer disk that is being made simply as a response to the fact that BD will have so much more capacity). It'll be like the PS2... it plays PS1 games, but the PS1 won't play PS2 games. That was part of the crying, but the big part was that Chris seems to be becoming more and more of a Microsoft spokesperson and less of a well informed Geek-Dude.
Now, I'm not saying that Microsoft is evil... I don't really think that... I just don't think they make particularly good products, and most of the time (at this point in their existence) they're playing catch-up to the folks who are doing real innovation. They use their installed user base and financial power to muscle the industry into their world instead of making a product that will simply kick ass. The X360 is a good example. It's had some problems sure... But I'm not going to talk of over heating, freezing up or general wonkiness with internal resolution rendering... I'm going to talk about MS's lack of foresight in regards to the post DVD world that it's supposedly introducing with said Box. Seriously, talk about the High Definition Experience all you want -- but if you're not going to back it up with a disk format that's got the capacity for the games being developed for the system, you're just blowing smoke. Add that to the fact that it doesn't have a working high-def output from the box, or built in support of any high-def movie format and the whole thing seems like a marketing ploy.
Now lets talk Blu-Ray Disc (heretofore known as BD). It's not perfect. Far from it. But it does have the support of many of the really major players in the movie industry, it's got higher capacity, and by the time it actually launches, the cost of manufacturing will be far less that it was when the labcoats were developing prototypes. Economies of scale will come into effect once the disks are in full production. Perhaps the hardware will be a bit more expensive. Fine. Who cares? No, really. Who Cares? I don't. I want a PS3 same as everyone else. With a PS3, I'll get a BD player. Also -- anyone who cares about the cost of HD hardware is an idiot. If you have to think about whether or not you can afford all the gizmos it'll take for you to get a true HD experience, you can't afford it. No. Really. You can't. The display alone will set you back a couple of grand. And we're not even talking audio yet. Then there's cabling -- and yes. Cabling is extremely important. Oh, what was that? The room you're putting everything in is rectangular (and yes -- that includes squares) -- you're probably going to want to get some baffles for the walls so you don't set up too many standing waves or get weird phasing from the speakers. What was that? Oh, good. You get it. Don't feel bad though, I can't afford it either.
I have a few predictions of my own. One -- The Sony PlayStation 3 will be the deciding factor in the format war. Pure and simple. People want the PS3, and in getting it, they also get the player. Done and Done. Two -- it will take until at least the federally mandated Digital TV switch before high def discs take off in any meaningful way. Really. At this point I'd guess that 80% of people with an LCD TV think they're watching HDTV. Of those people, I'm going out on a limb here (really, very far out on a limb... I have absolutely no statistical data to back any of these guesses up with) and guess that maybe, maybe 45% of that 80% actually has an HD (semi)capable TV. Of that 45% -- I'd guess that most of them think that watching a progressive scan DVD is giving them a High Def experience. They think they have it, and that's good enough. No one will care. Some people say that this is like the difference between watching old B&W and color. That's crap. This will be similar to the difference in watching a 16mm film and 35mm. Will you notice? Sure. Will it change your life? Probably not. I've done the HD thing (at a friends). I was quite impressed... ... ... with the four channels of HD that he receives. Actually, it might be more than four... It might be like, 12. Four of them are the Discovery Channel and four of them are local network affiliates. So, you know. Four channels of HD. He loves it, and I don't blame him, but unless you live with nothing but HD for a while then try to go back, you won't notice and you probably wont care.
Ok. I'm done. For anyone who read through all that, your geek rating has just increased by +3 and your cloak of Nerd will be delivered in the morning.
-Jon
P.S. By the way, Chris, if you read this and want to comment, my comments are broken. But please please please feel free to send me your comments and I'll post them here, completely unedited.
Yogurt!
Even my freaking Yogurt has sodium... How much should I take in, how much is Ok? I don't know, because my doctor didn't freaking tell me! Aaaarrrrrrrggggggggg! This whole thing is just irritating.
Worst Show Ever
I had the TV on, after my last post. I had a beer in my hand and I was flipping. I only get 11 stations, and one of them is a mirror of another. Flipping through 10 stations isn't much of a ride, and I was about to stop when I caught a glimpse of that new-fangled Star Trek: Enterprise. They're in their, what, third season? I never saw it, and, well, hey. I'm a geek. I couldn't pass it up.
First thought: What the blue hell is with the opening credits? What is this song? Lyrics?!? In a Star Trek Theme?!?!?!? This is far, far from my Star Trek. And, I grew up with re-runs of the The Original Series (TOS from now on), I watched the first airing of Next Generation, Deep Space 9, and Voyager. Hell, I stuck with Voyager for almost 3 seasons. I watched three seasons of space anomalies for Berman and that other guy. Janeway's robotic voice finally did me in and I stopped paying attention to Star Trek, or rather New Star Trek. I didn't care about Enterprise, despite my love afair with Quantum Leap. Dean Stockwell; You, sir, are the man.
Second Thought: The color timing isn't right. Something has gone terribly wrong in the editing booth and I'm watching something that's been color timed to a camcorder. For those who aren't "in the know" on color timing. Have you watched something you recorded on a camcorder and wondered why it doesn't look like a movie? Not in terms of framing or dialoge or whatever else, but just the look. That's how I would describe color timing -- it defines whether or not it looks like a home movie, soap opera, newscast, or cinema. Anyways, TNG, DS9 and VOY all had the same color timing. It looked almost like a movie, but definately not like the Gilmore Girls (which isn't to say that GG is a bad show, it's fantastic in both the writing and the acting departments... it just has a different look). Enterprise, you are a bastard child of two men who know nothing of what makes Star Trek good.
Third Thought: "What the F**K! OH, NO YOU DI'NT!!! YOU DID NOT JUST REFER TO THE WRATH OF (F**KING) KHAN!!!!!!!!!"
Final Thoughts: To bring in Brent Spiner as a special guest is silly and derivitive. It's a bad ploy to try and tie this pitiful excuse of a show to the Next Generation in more than the namesake of the ship. Haven't we, as the Star Trek viewing fans, grown tired of the tried and true storylines revolving around that ship known as Enterprise? Seriously. The movies have become overblown episodes (First Contact not withstanding. Also -- Nemesis isn't really a Star Trek movie, it's more like... well... it's more like Die Hard with a ensemble cast in space) that shouldn't have ever been put to film. I must admit that Jonathan Frakes can direct (First Contact -- not the Thunderbirds movie), but that doesn't cancel out scripts that ignore what Star Trek was originally about, and why the fans love it so much. It's about the people, it's about how folks deal with situations. Sure, Shatner is a butt-f**king ass, but that doesn't negate the fact that Checkov and Sulu are badasses covering the tracks of an inept and poorly-spoken comanding oficer. And anyone out there who doesn't agree that Spock in the reactor room at the end of Khan is one of the most moving moments of film history should be taken out and publicly flogged.
That and Goose dying. But Tommy movies are a whole different post.
P.S. I actually have more to say, but that was just too good of an end line for me to pass up... Anyways. Enterprise has bad writing, a Gilmore Girls feel, bad directing, bad effects, and terrible exec-producers. How has it survied three seasons? And, really, what's with the opening song? Star Trek really deserves an orchestral opening. It defines the series. TNG has Patty's opening speach, in all it's gramatically aweful glory. DS9 has the french horns (best brass intrument ever, and Voyager has that moment where the camera pans up through the space-dust and it's just... well, I'll be damned if I can't call it magic. Seriously, let's go back and see how the opening music and the shows compare. TNG had Patty as the single best captain of the Enterprise ever (Kirk was a horny frat boy, and -- while there's nothing wrong with frat boys -- he almost always valued his own libido over the safety of his crew). DS9 had that powerful character that couldn't have ever played a piece alone, but with a group of supporting charceters manages to compliment everyone while also being the single focus. Voyager had a bunch of forgetable crap, but every once in a while there was an episode that just rocked like no other. Do you see where I'm going with this? From what I've seen of Enterprise, they have... well... the first truely pop mentality Star Trek show ever. Not "Pop Culture" like current music and TV, but Pop Mentality like Britney Spears and Take That. It's the 15 Minutes of Fame Star Trek. It's shot like all the cheesy prime time soaps and it's got writing that's, at best, on par with daytime soaps. Seriously, someone has way too much money if they're keeping this crap on the air. Anyways, I'm off again...
GTA
I've seriously been playing GTA since, oh, you know... 8:15 this morning. That's with a 44 minute break to watch one episode of the West Wing Season Three (Totally rocks), and two (maybe only one, I can't quite remember) bathroom breaks.
Why in the blue hell did I wake up as early as I did? And what in the name of all that is good and holey (as in, that which is filled with holes -- like swiss cheese, and doughnuts!) compelled me to not just roll over and go back to sleep? Oh. Right. Stress queezy and election headache. This country is going straight to hell. And, is there a state that had the gay-bashin.. .. I mean, "Marriage Protection" amendment on the ballot that it failed? Because I need to move there. Now. Backwards red ne mumble mumble mumble mumble mumble mumble mumble mumble mumble mumble mumble mumble mumble mumble... harumph.
Mine Might Not Be Pretty
I'm so angry at Live Journal sites right now. They're all table based, and heavily so. It pisses me off. A lot.