Archive for category Random
Burned is as Burned Does
Nope, I will never understand why I made a Forrest Gump reference there either… anyways… Went on a trip this weekend. Worked Friday and Saturday and then headed off from work to Muskegon, and a couple hours later I ate some of the thinnest pizza ever. Pretty damned good if it weren’t for the gas later (well, ok, the gas ruined nothing, but still). Then I tried to make a fire.
The fire was less than particularly successful despite the copious amounts of lamp oil (from ‘06) and lighter fluid. Stupid green wood having to season and dry out before it’ll burn like fire… crazy ass lightning storm that night? Totally made up for firefail.
Today at the beech was, to be brief: sunburnalicious. To be less brief: Great time, lots of playing in the waves like a five year old (can’t wait to have a five year old of my own to watch do the exact same things I like doing, only it’s age appropriate and not at all weird), little sitting in the sun, not nearly enough sunblock. Which brings us to the HOLY CRAP MY NECK IS ON FIRE! IT’S NOT ON FIRE? IT FEELS LIKE IT’S ON FIRE! FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, LET ME STOP DROP AND ROLL!!!!!
And that was my weekend. I will call it successful.
-J
New Years Resolution
Posted by nopa in Bedtime, Random, Ruminating on May 2nd, 2009
So What if I’m a little late on my resolution. I’m here, I’m… wait… no… that’s not the right turn of phrase. I’m here, and I’m going to make my resolution late or not. I resolve to write more, write with a purpose and not just post things that follow this basic pattern:
- Bitch
- Bitch
- Bitch
- Mention that I pooped today
- Bitch
- More poop talk
- Bitch
- And I fart
As interesting as those posts can be, they just get… well… repetative. And lots of talking about brown. Anywyas, I’ve got a lot of work to do on the house, lots of things to do in the yard (speaking of poop — I don’t think you can comprehend how much crap my dog can create — I’m speaking 1/2 his body weight in a day), and I need to start exercising again. I’ve been a bad, bad boy when it comes to exercise. But… that’s another post. For tonight, I will vamoosh, but blog, I will be back sooner than later. That much, I promise.
-Jon
Still Searching
So, I’m still searching for the right things to say (or would that be the write things to say?!? Ohhhhh!!!!!!!! Boo yah!!!!) But, in the meantime, I had a dream that I’d like to share.
I was on the run with B and someone else. Using a grappling hook, we managed to make it to the top of a bullet train, and so there we sat… on the roof of a bullet train. It was night time, and I was tired — but I was very nervous about falling off the train — because that would hurt a lot. So, then, my eyes got really tired and I couldn’t stare at all the passing trees (that was my actual thought in the dream), and I lay down on my back next to my wife, who was staring at the beautiful night sky.
We sat there while I was giving her a lecture on the various constellations; constellations like “Mary Tyler Moore” — the well known constellation that the Aztecs saw where a woman was throwing her hat in the air. Also “Jack Sprat” — the lesser known pair of constellations of a very thin man next to a woman eating a turkey.
Suddenly, I fell asleep and thought that I was falling off the train but as I rolled, I realized that the bullet train was much wider than I though and that I could roll back and forth with no problem. Then there was a sudden, and inexplicable scene change.
The next thing that happened in my dream involved a giant invading French army led by president Nicolas Sarkozy who had employed ever weapon at his disposal to take over Canada. Apparently every weapon included the title character from the Playstation game God of War, Kratos. So, there I was, in my dream, watching the French try to take over Canada using the extra-fictional God of War from a video game (who has two swords attached to his arms connected by chains — which, at this point, he was using more for locomotion rather than to attack) when I suddenly realized that I was watching all of this from a giant command center and that I was in charge of the joint US/Canuck forces fighting off Sarkozy.
The last thing I remember is watching Kratos on a monitor attacking a tank. Then all of a sudden everyone in the room was barking and whining like my dog. And, a couple minutes later I was watching my dog poop outside — only in real life, not in the dream.
-Jon
HOLY CRAP!!!!
I’M SO FREAKING EXCITED!!! I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS A CREEPY OBSESSION WITH CREEPY SOCIALIST ART!!!!!!!
Wow… I’m weird.
-Jon
P.S. Oh. My. God. I need this
Learn Disco
Posted by nopa in Bedtime, I like dags, Random on November 10th, 2008
<p>I’ve had <a href=”http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMAaBlcNy74″ target=”_blank” title=”Learn Disco @ YouTube”>this video</a> on my computer for many, many years. I have no idea where I got it or when, but I know that for the last few years I’ve watched it when I wanted to laugh. This morning? Yeah, I need to laugh. Either laugh or start a fire in the back yard, kill the dogs and roast them (slowly) over an open fire.</p>
<p>Make sure you watch to the end and listen to the song that plays… I swear it’s the Disco version of the <a href=”http://video.aol.com/video-detail/lothar-of-the-hill-people/66079948″ target=”_blank” title=”Lothar of the Hill of People”>Lothar of the Hill People</a> theme.. only in some, what? Eastern European language?</p>
<p>Alright, back to bed.</p>
<p class=”signoff”>-Jon</p>
Still Catching Up
I still have an update coming from the wedding and honeymoon, but for now I’m only going to share with you something from one Mr. David Sedaris regarding undecideds in this current election cycle:
o put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. “Can I interest you in the chicken?” she asks. “Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?”
-Jon
I Think I’m a Superhero
So, I’m not sure, but I’ve got this feeling that I have super powers. I’m not sure how to apply them to hero-ing yet, but I’m very confident that I’ll be able to. The problem is, I’ve also discovered my nemesis. See, I think that I have a super-powered colon. My bowels are able to make super-human amounts of. Well, of what they make so well. Until the nemesis makes me stop eating so much spicy food. Yup. I know, my fiancé is my nemesis (as near as I can tell), so I’m going to have to formulate a plan to battle her, and come up with my superhero name. I’m pretty sure I’m going to take a page from an old SNL skit and go with ColonBlow. Perhaps with an “The Incredible” slapped on front. Anywhoos. I’m going to go make my hero costume. Or maybe take the dogs on a walk.
-Jon
Jay Leno
Seriously, of all the things that I don’t care about I care about Jay Leno not being the host of the Tonight Show the most. I cannot wait until Conan is the host, and I am planning a party for the day that he starts it all up. Jay Leno can kiss my ass. Conan O’Brian, I love you with the fiery passion of 1,000 burning suns.
-Jon
P.S. I’d be more passionate about my hatred of Jay right now, but my boys just won Lord Stanley’s Cup.
Writing Writing Writing
I was getting prepared to move, and it just so happened that it was Jeff’s birthday and his old dog (I think it’s name was Clementine) had passed away so he had gotten a puggle that looked more like a pug than beagle. For Jeff’s birthday I wrote him a message that I believe said “I’m Coming JEFF!!!” on the roof of a building, and felt that that was a good birthday message to him. Then I was at Lowes with Andy Sandberg from SNL and we were shopping for stuff for his house. Apparently he’d been having some issues in the bathroom with it getting foggy and things not clearing out so he was going to build in a big elaborate contraption to dry the room after each shower. I suggested getting a wall fan and he wanted nothing to do with it. It was as if to put in a wall fan would have been evil and he went on about how bad they were at their jobs. Except that they aren’t. And when we got trapped in Lowe’s fish-room’s Lizard Display, I woke up.
It was a weird, weird dream.
-Jon
Have you ever thought…
Have you ever thought that instead of the slow-moving harbingers of death from the movies zombies may…
- have exelent singing voices?
- be just severely constipated?
- have blisters on their feet the size of Kansas?
- have sensitive souls and just watched the end of Armageddon but just the part where Bruno dies and Liv Tyler (and everyone else) crys?
- be really hung over?
- just need a hug?
- just be trying to play (with your brain)?
- be kinda like Stephen Hawking — brilliant, but with a physical disability?
- just want to know where Waldo is?
- just be in the middle of an extremely long stretch?
Got any of your own? Lemme know
-Jon