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Everything's Bigger About Texas

June 1st, At about 6:15am I start my battle with the alarm, fight with vigor, loose, get up, get showered, wake B up then head off (thanks to B’s Uncle) to begin the Great Texas Adventure of '07. Security was surprisingly not terrible, but I did have to stand in a confined space to have a bunch of air jets puff me with air, and that was confusing. I think they were looking for rogue ions or something. I would’ve asked, but I’m sure that violates some aspect of the Patriot Act, so I just continued on feeling vaguely like a criminal. Cut to 3 hours later in Texas.

Get picked up by Randy and his girl, who are awesome. Seriously -- they drive out of their way to get us at DFW and then take us to get our Tuxes. And, while I have a whole post about rental Tuxes coming, the tuxes made us look good. It didn't fit me quite right at all, and my mutant calves were simply more than they could handle. Whatever, I looked good. Randy looked good. And... really. What else matters the day before one of your best friends gets married? To celebrate the victory of walking out of the tux place with an outfit, we decided to get some Tex-mex.

B got the fish tacos she's been saying she wanted since December, and I got something authentically Tex-mex, but for the life of me I can't remember what it was. This was the beginning of our love affair with Texas Food. Seriously, we ate well. But then, we see a waiter walking to a table with Avocados on his tray. "Avocados? I wonder what those are for." "Oh, I bet it's for tableside Guac." Says I. "Whatever, no it's not." "$10." "Deal." And, to date I'm waiting for B to pay up on that one.

After lunch we got dropped at the hotel, and if you can judge a hotel by the price of in-room bottled water, then this was an $8 bottled-water hotel. Anyways, we relaxed, napped and made our way to the rehearsal. Nice Church? Check. Cool people standing on both sides? Check. Lots of Schmoozing with family? Check? Insane military style wedding coordinator that (I'm not kidding) spent more time making sure that the attendants were standing perfectly spaced than she did on the rest of the ceremony combined? Check.

"Take a half step to your left. No, no… back to your right. Ok good. Wait. Now you both need to take a step left… more… more… stop. Now, you need to be angled more this way. A little more. A little more. No, back. Ok. Wait. Now everyone take a step to your left. You on the end, back to your right. No. Too far." *continue this ad nauseum* "Ok. Now, mark your spot and make sure that's where you end up tomorrow. And gentlemen, when you stand up there, stand with your hands right over left. Not at your side, not left over right, certainly not in your pockets. Right over left." etc, etc, etc...

Seriously (and if I hadn't been so completely terrified of the woman I would have told her), having the bride and her father positioned to the millimeter is excessive. You won't be there to give them direction during the event and they’re going to be paying attention to more important things than that exact spot you put them. That six inches you made them step back is a waste of your time and energy. But. I suppose some people are... ... I'll say exacting. Oh, I will give her props on the whole everyone stand in the same position thing. Not giving us a choice? OCD. But yes. It does look better with us all having our hands held the same way. Now go get a drink and relax.

Then. Well. Then I had the best meal of the year (so far). Simply, and completely, the best meal I've had the first 6 months of '07. Aca y Alla in Dallas. Go there. If you're in Texas. Go there. If you have to fly to Dallas. Go there. Get the Carne Asada. It's worth it. Also: the Tortilla Soup. The rehearsal itself was, to say the least, wholly different than any other rehearsal dinner I'd ever (or expect to again) seen. There was no, "Let's rent out a room and have a nice dinner then go to bed"-attitude it was, "Let's rent out the restaurant and party until we fall over." Over 100 people, live band, open bar… I mean. I'm telling you this was unreal. I’ve been to more subdued wedding receptions. And, I want to emphasize, none of this is at all a negative. It was an absolute blast. There were slideshows, speeches, jokes, and... to top it off. Cuff links. Every groomsman got personal cuff links. I got guitar pick cuff links. They rock. With a capitol R. Anyways, the party went til way after we left, and apparently Mrs. Davis did a shot of Tequila. Which is something I would've paid to see.

Next day was mostly lazy. Chilling in the room, exploring Dallas, then getting ready for the service. And, really, I look good in a Tux. After the shuttle to the church, there were pictures of the guys getting ready, getting bootineers on, the "Reservoir Dogs" video shot, etc, etc, etc. Then there were a few minutes right before we all went out there to look good in front of the 300+ folks that were there for the wedding. To be honest, I teared up a little. Not a lot. But just a bit. It was a nice ceremony with a full choir and the, you know, wedding and all that. After that, more pictures and then to the shuttle to party. Which. My god. They did it up good. B and I had actually gone to the room earlier in the day (same hotel), and it was gorgeous. There were tables everywhere, but they weren't just "This is the Table. This is every table" kind of thing, they were all shapes and sizes. There was foliage around the room (mostly shrubberies), the dance floor was huge only being dwarfed by the stage for the band. There were glowing spherical lights hanging over the dance floor and... just. Damn. When we went in, however, I saw the cake. It was incredibly beautiful (and, I found out later) tasty. Then The crow parted a little, and... I saw It. The most incredible Wedding (Groom’s?) Cake I've ever seen. It was Texas Stadium. With the Godzillatron playing the NCAA Championship game. It was beyond belief.

The party was great. Dancing, talking about Davis, great food, hearing stories about Davis, drinking, telling stories about Eric, the T-Sip*, and Mrs. Davis did another shot of Tequila. This time I was there to take pictures. During all of this, I drank Manhattans. Many, many Manhattans. That is all I remember.

The next day we explored Dallas more... actually. A lot. The whole trip we probably walked an average of 5-10 miles a day. It was a bit ridiculous. We saw the 6th Floor Museum, learned all about the JFK assassination, and actually saw the exact spot he was shot. Then we watch the spot as people behaved very strangely around it. Spent time in the West End, oh! And we went on a Trolley Ride. Not even Holly-Jolly Trolley style, but a real on-rails trolley. It was loud, and not the most comfortable thing to sit on, but it was fun.

All in all Texas was just awesome. We ate well, we drank well, we slept well, we lay by the pool well. Hell, I even got sunburned. Heh. Then we went to go home. Go to the airport about an hour forty-five before take off, and... what? Delayed? What? Ok. Ended up getting delayed about three and a half hours, with something like an hour thirty of it on the plane itself. But, we made it home ok, and after a day of lunch and dinner with my parents, we went home to start the Great Puppy Adventure. But that's another story.

-Jon

* -- The T-Sip. A traditional drinking chant-song-thing from the University of Texas. The Process is as follows: Sing “The Eyes of Texas” and every time you say the words “Eyes,” “Texas” or “You” you drink. The lyrics are:< br/>

The eyes of Texas are upon you, All the live long day. The eyes of Texas are upon you, You cannot get away. Do not think you can escape them, At night, or early in the morn'. The eyes of Texas are upon you, 'Till Gabriel blows his horn!

This is a way to get completely shitfaced in about three minutes flat. Enjoy the T-Sip responsibly.