So, Mom and Dennis were out here this weekend helping B and I look at houses. We were all sorts of set on a house on out in the vicinity of the airport and instead we found a house somewhere near, possibly in, the vicinity of “The Zone.”

• Casey: How do you know you’re in the zone?
• Dan: (slams deck of cards down on the desk) Cut me.
• Casey: Danny, I–
• Dan: Cut the cards.
• Casey: (cuts the cards) Nine.
• Dan: (cuts) Jack.
• Casey: (cuts) Seven.
• Dan: (cuts) Eight.
• Casey: (cuts, challengingly) Queen.
• Dan: (braces himself, then cuts) Ace.

So, now we’re in the process of figuring out offers, figuring out concessions, where do we want to put the couch, what do we do with the dog, is that really a hole in the roof… … did I mention that “The Zone” the house occupies is right around the corner from “Ye Olde Sweat Equity Shoppe?” Yeah… so, it’s not in perfect condition, but it’s in move in condition (after a thorough cleaning, steam cleaning, bleach shower and possible delousing… … … have I ever mentioned how much I like hyperbole?). The thing is, I know I’m there, I’m ready, we’re ready, everything is aligning just about perfectly for us to get into this house and away from sharing walls with strangers and creepy neighbor kids yelling into our windows at our dog because their grandma locks them out of the house during the day. And that’s awesome, can’t wait exciting kind of stuff… … and I’m now nervous, anxious, and my stomach just decided to go wonky…

• Jeremy: Natalie, listen to me. You’ve lost a lot of money to me tonight. You’re basically going to be living the rest of your life on a charitable grant from the Jeremy Goodwin Foundation. Take the hundred bucks back and fold.
• Natalie: Scared?
• Jeremy: I’ve got a straight. You’ve got three sevens.
• Natalie: You don’t have a straight.
• Jeremy: Look at me. I’m not lying to you. I have a straight.
• Natalie: How do you know I don’t have a big house?

So what’s going to happen next is we’re (almost 100%) gonna make a bid tomorrow. And that’s when the whole thing can come falling down on our heads… Without talking any kind of specific, we’re in a situation where I don’t think that the lady has a realistic idea of what the house is really worth on the market today. B and I just think she’s asking too much for the house, while at the same time we lust after it like a Sophomore does his Homecoming date, that is to say passionately. I just don’t want her to say no to our offer. And that’s what I’ve been thinking about for the last hour. “What if she says no? What if she says no? What if she says no? What if she says no? [ad infinitum...]“

• Jeremy: Isaac, I don’t know if you heard. Six this morning there was a bid from an Italian airline called Platypus.
• Isaac: Yeah. Keep it under your hat, would you?
• Jeremy: You bet.

So now we’re going to have to leave it up to “la forza del destino” or “The Power of Fate.” And I hate waiting for Fate to work her mojo, so please, if you have an in with her… just ask her to get a move on, would’ja?

-Jon

P.S.: All the various scrip segments were excerpts from the incomparable “Sport Night” by Aaron Sorkin. Used without permission, with moxy.