Uh.. well… uh… … … huh.
I'm simultaneously having a geekgasm the likes of which haven't been seen since Valeri Polyakov completed his 366th day aboard Mir setting in motion a series of geekgasms that resulted in the Great Hanshin Earthquake of '95 (is it possible I spent too much time doing reasearch for the opening paragraph of this post? Yes.), and I'm also suffering from the depression that sets in when you know that civilization as you know it will come to an end. Because of Knight Rider.
New Knight Rider? Excited. New car is going to be a Shelby GT 500? Super excited and wetting my pants. William Daniels no longer voicing KITT? Exceptionally sad, Michael. Will Arnett voicing KITT? uh... is it just me or did the universe suddenly just stop, start giggling like a schoolgirl on nitrous and then explode?
Seriously. I just don't know what to think about Gob Bluth becoming one of my most beloved (oh hell, they're all beloved) childhood television characters. Could be good, could be bad. I just figure that either way it'll be extreme. To the limit.
-Jon
B and Jokes
My fiancé is out of this world good at telling jokes. It's not that the delivery is good, it's usually fairly normal. It's not that the jokes she chooses to tell are particularly funny or relevant, they're usually things you've heard before. Her secret lies in here ability to forget every single important detail of a joke and then to tell it so unabashadly wrong that it become so much more than it ever was before. Especially once you've hear six versions of the same joke.
You want an example? Alright, here you go. Original (pick up line): "Is your father a butcher? Cuz it looks like you got two fine hams stuffed down your pants." It's not that funny. It's cheesy and lame, wouldn't ever work for it's supposed purpose, but it's still amusing. Here are the variations that I remember:
- "Is your father a butcher? Cuz you got some fine ham in your pocket."
- "It looks like you have pigs in a blanket... .. .. DAMNIT!
- "It looks like you've got two fried hams." "Uh... ... did you just say fried hams?!?" "... .... ... ...... I didn't mean to."
-Jon
There is a Longer Version
There is a longer version of this story, and if you want to hear it, I'll tell you in person. This is the medium version:
So... I've been going out with B for just about exactly a year now. A few weeks ago she ceased being my girlfriend and started the wonderful adventure of being my fiance. This is a weird thing for me. Because I'm surprised I found someone who would voluntarily spend the rest of their life with me. ... ... or, at least, someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, etc, etc... So. We got engaged. After me getting all sorts of shit about, "When are you going to get the ring?" "Do you have a plan?" "My finger is cold and lonely." Seriously, the whole time... the ring was hanging on our dog's collar. It was ridiculous.
Anyways, I can't really say how excited I am or how much I'm dreading the various wedding planning activities I know will be coming up. I do hope that it'll be as easy as she thinks it's going to be, but... frankly, I'm doubting it'll be quite so stress free. We're hoping to get it all together and all that in about a year, so hopefully you'll come. If... you know, you get invited to what will no doubt become known far and wide as the social event of 2008.
-Jon
Everything's Bigger About Texas
June 1st, At about 6:15am I start my battle with the alarm, fight with vigor, loose, get up, get showered, wake B up then head off (thanks to B’s Uncle) to begin the Great Texas Adventure of '07. Security was surprisingly not terrible, but I did have to stand in a confined space to have a bunch of air jets puff me with air, and that was confusing. I think they were looking for rogue ions or something. I would’ve asked, but I’m sure that violates some aspect of the Patriot Act, so I just continued on feeling vaguely like a criminal. Cut to 3 hours later in Texas.
Get picked up by Randy and his girl, who are awesome. Seriously -- they drive out of their way to get us at DFW and then take us to get our Tuxes. And, while I have a whole post about rental Tuxes coming, the tuxes made us look good. It didn't fit me quite right at all, and my mutant calves were simply more than they could handle. Whatever, I looked good. Randy looked good. And... really. What else matters the day before one of your best friends gets married? To celebrate the victory of walking out of the tux place with an outfit, we decided to get some Tex-mex.
B got the fish tacos she's been saying she wanted since December, and I got something authentically Tex-mex, but for the life of me I can't remember what it was. This was the beginning of our love affair with Texas Food. Seriously, we ate well. But then, we see a waiter walking to a table with Avocados on his tray. "Avocados? I wonder what those are for." "Oh, I bet it's for tableside Guac." Says I. "Whatever, no it's not." "$10." "Deal." And, to date I'm waiting for B to pay up on that one.
After lunch we got dropped at the hotel, and if you can judge a hotel by the price of in-room bottled water, then this was an $8 bottled-water hotel. Anyways, we relaxed, napped and made our way to the rehearsal. Nice Church? Check. Cool people standing on both sides? Check. Lots of Schmoozing with family? Check? Insane military style wedding coordinator that (I'm not kidding) spent more time making sure that the attendants were standing perfectly spaced than she did on the rest of the ceremony combined? Check.
"Take a half step to your left. No, no… back to your right. Ok good. Wait. Now you both need to take a step left… more… more… stop. Now, you need to be angled more this way. A little more. A little more. No, back. Ok. Wait. Now everyone take a step to your left. You on the end, back to your right. No. Too far." *continue this ad nauseum* "Ok. Now, mark your spot and make sure that's where you end up tomorrow. And gentlemen, when you stand up there, stand with your hands right over left. Not at your side, not left over right, certainly not in your pockets. Right over left." etc, etc, etc...
Seriously (and if I hadn't been so completely terrified of the woman I would have told her), having the bride and her father positioned to the millimeter is excessive. You won't be there to give them direction during the event and they’re going to be paying attention to more important things than that exact spot you put them. That six inches you made them step back is a waste of your time and energy. But. I suppose some people are... ... I'll say exacting. Oh, I will give her props on the whole everyone stand in the same position thing. Not giving us a choice? OCD. But yes. It does look better with us all having our hands held the same way. Now go get a drink and relax.
Then. Well. Then I had the best meal of the year (so far). Simply, and completely, the best meal I've had the first 6 months of '07. Aca y Alla in Dallas. Go there. If you're in Texas. Go there. If you have to fly to Dallas. Go there. Get the Carne Asada. It's worth it. Also: the Tortilla Soup. The rehearsal itself was, to say the least, wholly different than any other rehearsal dinner I'd ever (or expect to again) seen. There was no, "Let's rent out a room and have a nice dinner then go to bed"-attitude it was, "Let's rent out the restaurant and party until we fall over." Over 100 people, live band, open bar… I mean. I'm telling you this was unreal. I’ve been to more subdued wedding receptions. And, I want to emphasize, none of this is at all a negative. It was an absolute blast. There were slideshows, speeches, jokes, and... to top it off. Cuff links. Every groomsman got personal cuff links. I got guitar pick cuff links. They rock. With a capitol R. Anyways, the party went til way after we left, and apparently Mrs. Davis did a shot of Tequila. Which is something I would've paid to see.
Next day was mostly lazy. Chilling in the room, exploring Dallas, then getting ready for the service. And, really, I look good in a Tux. After the shuttle to the church, there were pictures of the guys getting ready, getting bootineers on, the "Reservoir Dogs" video shot, etc, etc, etc. Then there were a few minutes right before we all went out there to look good in front of the 300+ folks that were there for the wedding. To be honest, I teared up a little. Not a lot. But just a bit. It was a nice ceremony with a full choir and the, you know, wedding and all that. After that, more pictures and then to the shuttle to party. Which. My god. They did it up good. B and I had actually gone to the room earlier in the day (same hotel), and it was gorgeous. There were tables everywhere, but they weren't just "This is the Table. This is every table" kind of thing, they were all shapes and sizes. There was foliage around the room (mostly shrubberies), the dance floor was huge only being dwarfed by the stage for the band. There were glowing spherical lights hanging over the dance floor and... just. Damn. When we went in, however, I saw the cake. It was incredibly beautiful (and, I found out later) tasty. Then The crow parted a little, and... I saw It. The most incredible Wedding (Groom’s?) Cake I've ever seen. It was Texas Stadium. With the Godzillatron playing the NCAA Championship game. It was beyond belief.
The party was great. Dancing, talking about Davis, great food, hearing stories about Davis, drinking, telling stories about Eric, the T-Sip*, and Mrs. Davis did another shot of Tequila. This time I was there to take pictures. During all of this, I drank Manhattans. Many, many Manhattans. That is all I remember.
The next day we explored Dallas more... actually. A lot. The whole trip we probably walked an average of 5-10 miles a day. It was a bit ridiculous. We saw the 6th Floor Museum, learned all about the JFK assassination, and actually saw the exact spot he was shot. Then we watch the spot as people behaved very strangely around it. Spent time in the West End, oh! And we went on a Trolley Ride. Not even Holly-Jolly Trolley style, but a real on-rails trolley. It was loud, and not the most comfortable thing to sit on, but it was fun.
All in all Texas was just awesome. We ate well, we drank well, we slept well, we lay by the pool well. Hell, I even got sunburned. Heh. Then we went to go home. Go to the airport about an hour forty-five before take off, and... what? Delayed? What? Ok. Ended up getting delayed about three and a half hours, with something like an hour thirty of it on the plane itself. But, we made it home ok, and after a day of lunch and dinner with my parents, we went home to start the Great Puppy Adventure. But that's another story.
-Jon
* -- The T-Sip. A traditional drinking chant-song-thing from the University of Texas. The Process is as follows: Sing “The Eyes of Texas” and every time you say the words “Eyes,” “Texas” or “You” you drink. The lyrics are:< br/>
The eyes of Texas are upon you, All the live long day. The eyes of Texas are upon you, You cannot get away. Do not think you can escape them, At night, or early in the morn'. The eyes of Texas are upon you, 'Till Gabriel blows his horn!
This is a way to get completely shitfaced in about three minutes flat. Enjoy the T-Sip responsibly.
Fresh Air
There are few things in the world that I've done more of than sit in a dark dungeon like room and pound away at my computer for hours on end. "No!" I hear your cries, "No! That can't be! You're so cool. And hip! Sitting in a room alone for hours?! In the dark!?!" I know, I know. As hard as it is to believe I am a geek. A (used to) sit in his mom's basement while he trolled usenet (or DMB forums, whatever) geek. Then I got a dag.
("Dag? What's a dag?"
"You know, dags."
"Oh... Dogs... yeah.... Yeah, I like Dags")
A week ago tomorrow B and I got Molly (then Kelly) and brought her home. A full blooded, utterly adorable one year seven month old Beagle. No. She doesn't look like Snoopy. Since we got her, we've been tired (physically and mentally), walking a lot more than we ever thought we would (after Texas -- I have stories to tell about that too don't I? Hrrm.. I'll get there in another post), and did I mention tired? More than tired, however, I've been outside and walking. I've gone on more walks with Molly than I have in the last year (excluding Texas), and it's glorious. We're walking up hills, we're walking down hills, playing in parks, playing in the street, and it's just so much fun. Especially playing in the street. Making her play chicken with cars is just a hoot... you should try it sometime -- fun for the whole family.
This little pup has got me so enamored with, you know, nature (suburban nature... nature light.) I'm actually working on this post from a lawn chair in my backyard while Molly runs around untended in the street. I'd go after her, but it's just so comfy in this chair in the sun. Ahh nature.
-Jon
I Guess…
<
p>Supposing it's two seventeen. Let's say it's there's less than five hours until you need to be awake, showered, and getting into a car to drive to Chi-Town. Supposing it's less than ten hours until your flight leaves to Texas. And assuming that you're hopelessly awake and not at all ready to sleep. What do you do? What... do you do? Me? I watch TV. I keep myself awake watching serialized stories that.. quite frankly... don't live up to expectations or don't live up to seasons six seven or eight. Supposing that I don't make it past three tonight, I won't really get to the... well... to the three A.M. philosophy. Heh. I wanna get back to that though. In as many ways as I could possibly mean it.
<
p>
Tonight. I'm going to do my thing. Keep myself up later than I should... then get myself up tomorrow to get a ride (and keep myself up to be a good passenger... because I don't like being a complete s***head)... then I get to read on a plane... maybe sleep. maybe.... ...... ........
-Jon
Alone
Here I am. Sitting in the drivethru lane at burger king. Its a little weird to be here at 2:30am, except that I just finished playing a show. .. ... ... Ok. So, just now I was way too into writing this and I didn't notice the car ahead of me drive off. I'm gonna go home now and write more on the lappy.
-Jon
"That's a Nice Afro…"
Holy. Freaking. Cow... ... I haven't been this blown away from a concert since I saw Maceo Parker. And before that Robert Bradley's Blackwater Surprise. But, seriously. Wynton Marsalis and the Jazz at Lincoln Center Orchestra are, absolutely, beyond words. For the majority of the concert, Wynton held himself in check, and basically chilled with the band, which was mind-F*ingly good. Everyone, every player, were absolute masters of their crafts. I heard a clarinet do a 2 octave slide. No, not a slured run, a slide, as though it were a trombone just sliding up... like a violin or other non-fretted string instrument sliding up. I heard the clarinet do that tonight. I pooped my pants, but only just a little.
Then, for the encore, Wynton came out with four other players (interestingly enough, only three of the four were expected, the fourth kinda... just... whoopsed himself on stage... it was great)... and he played. No talk (which he did the rest of the show, and it was funny, poignant, smart and did I mention funny?), just play. And my. Good. Lord. In. Heaven. It was transcendent. He did things on the trumpet that made his band member (that whoopsed himself on stage) look on with disbelief. It was unbelievable . Go see them play. Whenever, wherever. GO GO GO!
-Jon
Morning.
I got up at 6:30 today. That's a.m. as opposed to the after noon that I've done more than once this week. Now, this is a really weird thing for me for a few reasons, firstly: 6:30 wasn't as painful as I expected. I hit my snooze less times than I usuallyi do when I get up at nine. Also, sleeping in past noon, which used to be an 8 times a week activity for me, has happened less than three times in the last 9 months. Which I just realized and now am wondering where my wonderful wonderful youth has gone and if I can get it back. Oops, gotta get to work for a meeting.. ... ... yeah... my youth just died.
-Jon
Sweet, Like Heroin
I'm typing on a keyboard, a full sized, non-illuminated from the bottom, honest to god keyboard, and I swear it's like using heroin for the first time. .. ... or I would, if I'd ever used heroin the first time... by the time I realized what happened it was more like the fourth time. Ahe the rest of the 80s were a blur. But I digress.
That was me trying to make the best of the fact that I just handed my precious precious lappy (Trillian) off to a DHL driver who probably makes less than I paid for in a month. No, really. I don't even make what I paid for it in a month... and with it's contents... it's priceless. But, alas, when the damn thing wont boot, sound wont play when it does, and I have this hideous pattern of horizontal lines that follow my mouse around like a shadow, it's time to say, "FIX THIS THING!!! PLEASE!!!!" And they will. Or I will slay them.
Also: I just took a look at a website, and -- as I do from time to time -- I looked at the source code. And I found out about the "DL" tag. The Definition List tag. The tag that has inspired me to redo the entirety of my website sometime in the next 47 weeks. But by the end of December of this year. .. ... Which marks two things that I've now pledged on doing this year of our lord two thousand, zero hundred, zero tens and seven. The other, of course, is to record an album.
The album will come, but it may be a bit in the making, becase to make it I'm going to learn how to use Garageband well enough to actually, like... record an album. Which is far beyond my current abilities in the program currently which involve things like saying "Hey! Look! A MENU!!!" Which is less than helpful when trying to record an album.
I am not, at this point, pledging to maintiain this website in any meaningful way for a bit... eventually, yes. Right now, no. Soon I will ask your patience and guidance and love... for now, courage.
-Jon