Holy Crap I Should Be Asleep
Ryan and I are up geeking out about his website and mine and CMS's and... oh lord I need to be asleep because I'm getting married in 12 hours and 45 minutes. Crap.
-Jon
Trying to Find the Words…
I'm about to get hitched. In fact, that's exactly what I asked my bride-to-be if she wanted. None of the romantic, "Would you be my wife," "Would you do me the honor of," nope, I hit her with, "So... you wanna get hitched?" As I reclined on the couch watching How It's Made... now... I'm not so callous as to think that that would be appropriate, except the ring had been dangling on the dog's collar for a good long while (since before dinner) and she had been giving me a hard time about when I would propose. Would her finding the ring earlier changed the proposal? I probably wouldn't have been lounging on the couch... beyond that, who knows. I swear to all that's good in the world, I had not a clue as to what I was going to say to her when she found the ring. I figured that by jumping into the deep end, putting the ring somewhere she'd be sure to find it (eventually) and waiting for it to happen, I'd figure out the right words to say.
Which brings us to less that 48 hours from now, I still don't know if my vows are right. I don't know if they're close to right. I think it's a 50-50 call that I might just get up in front of friends and family and declare my undying love for this woman without a script. Which would be foolish, exceptionally so... but still... Might happen.
Ahh well... at least in a couple of days I no longer have to worry about the wedding. Just the marriage. Which will be a whole different ball of wax.
-Jon
Am I Completely Stupid?
Seriously. I just started looking up info on how to set up my new übertube. I want to ride the cable companies tubes to mind-numbing nirvana and to do that, gol durn it, I'm gonna need my brightness set right, my contrast set right, and everything else set (think I'm gonna say "right" don'tcha?) just so. In order to do this I, ideally, need a übertube setup DVD to set all the levels etc. However, I just read a few things that -- given my geek quotient (which was apparently lower than I thought, and is now back to an appropriate level) -- shocked the everliving hell out of me.
For TV settings, if it was labeled Black Levels and White Levels instead of Brightness and Contrast, I'd've understood how to set that shit right ages ago. Why? Because I've understood black and white levels since my high school days of screwing with Photoshop, Brightness and contrast? Well shucks, I just thought they controlled... you know. The brightness and contrast. Which they kind of do, at least in terms of end result, kind of... but more as a tertiary function of actually controlling the black levels and white levels!!!.
For those not in the know (and, why would you when the industry that should've taken the time to tell you decided to treat you like a retarded monkey) Black and White Levels control how black blacks appear and how white whites appear. But let's go over it in English, shall we? Black levels when increased will mean that the range of luminosities on your display that appear black will be shallower -- example: everything that should be black will look gray if set too high. The thing of it is... ... no. No. no. I'm not going to turn this into a lecture of something I'm not an expert in. But. Really, the "brightness" control will make things look brighter, but only becase you're telling the tube to not show any actual black. Watch your TV sometime, if you're watching a DVD and the letterboxing (you're watching in letterbox right?) is gray instead of a deep deep black, you're settings are wrong. And sure, it's your choice, but really, it's wrong.
And yes. I am actually angry about this. And yes, much of the anger is directed at myself. It's taken me this long to learn this? For real?
Seriously. Am I the only one that think that treating a society like idiots that you will only create a society of idiots?
-Jon
<
p>P.S. If you want to make yourself a test pattern DVD to set everything up right, you can.
Hrumph
So. I abhor my current phone. It's not mine. I didn't buy it, and it's a very functional device. It's just, well. It blows. Chunks. With wetness mixed with the chunks.
Even now, after getting wireless syncing with gCal set up, I still don't like it very much. Contact syncing (which I've never had working on any phone) still doesn't work, and the whole thing just feels so '00 to me. Which sucks, because in '00 I would have given my left nut proudly to carry something like this. Ahh well. The joys of being a phonegeek.
Also, I need to go to bed. Desperately. Hopefully I'll find sleepy in the next few minutes and get there.
-Jon
Exactly One
I'm not really an Olympics junky. I watched Phelps win his 8th, and I thought that the so-called "Fingernail Finish" was pants wettingly amazing... but... I just don't care that much.
Sure, I get into the matches and events as they happen, but if it's between sleep and watching someone go for the gold? I'll be catching zzz's as they're catching whatever their sporting implement of choice. Any sport but one. If there is the chance to watch competitive table tennis. Holy crap do I love it. And therefore, I hate you CNBC for showing this now, when I want to be sleeping. I'll only stay up watching David Zhuang play his match, and whoever else follows. I just love watching this stuff.
Seriously, I saw one match once (yes. I really do get this into table tennis. Bite me.) one of the players climbed outside the sectioned off area to keep playing his ball, almost perpendicular to the table, and went back and forth a couple times that way. It was absolutely unreal. And can I say, freaking Nigeria. This guy is damned good. Ahh well. Game 7 of 7. Now I've gotta go pay attention.
-Jon
P.S. I think the best part of competitive table tennis is the absolute "who gives a shit" attitude of the commentators. "What do you mean opens?" "Well, he's really just got to hit it there..." "Can't we just show a recap later?"
Burn Notice.
Seriously, Hulu. I love you. You have allowed me to see the original Starbuck, watch some Tick, and discover the Incredible Chin in one of his better performances in Burn Notice.
Seriously, it's pretty darned good. It's silly goofy fun and I love it. That combined with the fact that B is out of town for her Bachelorette party/Bridal Shower (I GOT SOUP CROCKS!!!!!), and good ol' Jonny boy can't sleep so well. So, here's guessing that I'll be up watching Burn Notice until four in the a.m.. It's a pretty good bet that I'll be a wreck for work tomorrow. Ahh well. Such is life.
Anyways, I'm out. G'night.
-Jon
The Ineffable Joys of Home Ownership1
So I've been a homeowner for a little over one month now. I've done the painting thing, I've done the lawn work thing (I even took down a tree the other day. The fun part was over in 4 minutes, then I had to chop it up into reasonably sized pieces), I've organized, packed, unpacked, have a clogged drain in my basement, but yesterday I did something I've not done in ages. Last night I prayed to the porcelain gods. More specifically, Ralph, the God of Plumbing.
I was out at Lowe's with Mom, and I saw a "Universal American Standard Flush Thing Replacement Kit" and figured, "Sure. That's what I need. I have an American Standard Toilet. Sweet." I then purchased the kit, looked around at anything else I needed, and thought "Nope. That's it, nothing else."2 So, I got the kit, left Lowe's and didn't think about it for a few hours (cutting down tree hours). When I got around to the toilet, it was after I spent an hour or so being defeated by the drain in the basement for an hour or so, so I was rather discouraged. But, undaunted, I decided to face the toilet and let it show me it's worst.3
<
p>First I had to drain the toilet and take off the tank. As the thing is a 2-piece toilet, there are a couple of bolts that I just had to unscrew. "Huh. That's weird." says Jon, "This was designed so that once you get your pliers on the nut at the base, you can't maneuver, no matter your maneuvering skills, to unscrew the screw at the top. Damn. Well. ok. I broke the hose that connected the water to the toilet, and I need to get that replaced. Let's go to Lowe's. I couldn't possibly need to go back there again after this, I should have everything I need"4
<
p>
25 minutes later, I returned home with my vice-grips, silicone grease, a new toilet hose and I was ready to go. 15 minutes later I was exhausted, dripping with sweat, and ready to put a fork in my eye because it sounded like a good time. The bolt holding the tank on the toilet? Rusted completely solid. I couldn't get it off with vice grips and the will of God on my side. At this point, I was ready to give up. No, really. I wanted to cry. I didn't cry, because I am a man and men don't cry, but I wanted to. And if I was a little girl, I would have.
So, I get ready to... fuck. I got the wrong sized hose for the tank. "[Explitive Deleted] [Explitive Deleted] [Explitive Deleted] [Explitive Deleted]." (there are some things that just aren't appropriate to say, even to the internet)
20 minutes later I get back from Lowe's with my new, proper sized hose (because I read the label this time), a mini hacksaw, and replacement bolts for the toilet. I would no longer be denied. ... ... ... except for the 40 minutes I was denied.
Have you ever lay on your bathroom floor and cried, silently and figuratively (unless you are a little girl), to yourself as you wished the pain would all just go away? Yeah, I know, me too. But not usually sober with a saw in my hand. I swear to all that's holy, there are few things in this world as frustrating as using a hacksaw that is just long enough to go *bump... bump... bump...* every stroke because it hit the vanity in the bathroom. Given that alone, could it get worse? Of course it could. I couldn't see. Not it was dark, or I had my eyes closed. I mean, my head is too freaking big to get between the toilet and the vanity to be able to see the bolt that I was trying to cut. Literally and without the slightest hint of hyperbole. That's right, I was sawing away at Tinkerbell for all I knew at the time. I just knew that it didn't sound the same as Saw-on-Porcelain and I wasn't ready to let the toilet defeat me.5
After laying on cold tile with my body wrapped around the vanity and my head using the toilet base as a pillow, suddenly a *thud*. The bolt was cut, I was free. I am not kidding when I say I screamed at the toilet at the top of my lungs, "That's right, you're my bitch!6 You're my bitch now!7 I just made you my bitch and you're going to call me Daddy. Say it toilet, say I'm your Daddy! AHHHHHHHHH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! Fuck you toilet! right in the ol' wax ring. I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you, you're my little bitch now!!!!8
The other bolt unscrewed like a champ (it was shaking a bit, I think it was afraid I was going to saw it too), and finally I got the tank off. Everything was like a dream after that. The kind of dream where everything you know is wrong, then you suddenly realize that you're at school and the only thing you're wearing is a bra made of bacon and mirrored sunglasses. In other words, a freaky-deaky nightmare.
First the flush-apparatus didn't want to come of (used the saw, it worked once, it'd work again), then the bad news. "Uh... Jon?" "Yes Jon, what is it" "The universal flush mechanism looks to be too small." "Too small you say?" "Uh, yeah. I think it'd just fall through the hole in the tank and make a fabulous *sploosh*ing sound when everything fell apart if you attempt to use it." "Ha! You don't know anything Jon, you are but a silly boy who dreams about bacon bras." "Uh... ok."
10 minutes later I was at Lowe's. "Uh, do you have something that'd fit what this fit?" "Hrrmm... Do you have the American Standar Champion Super-hero toilet Mark 8.4b." "Uh. ... ... ... ... It used to flush, badly." "Right. That's a part that can only be special ordered from American Standard. Here's there number"
10 minutes later, this time Home Depot. "Uh, do you have this?" "Hold on, can I get someone from plumbing over here?" "Uh.. is someone going to help me?" "Plumbing, I need someone from plumbing." (enter guy 3) "Yeah. We don't have that. never seen it. Word."
"Uh. B. I don't think the upstairs toilet works. .... .... .... Why? Oh. Well. It might be in two pieces on the floor."
And thus I was defeated by plastic and porcelain. I take the fight to the streets tomorrow.9 Who's with me?
-Jon
<
p style="indent:0">1: Definition of Ineffable - incapable of being expressed in words.
2: My first mistake.
3: My second mistake.
4: Ha! EVERYTHING YOU NEED MY ASS!!!
5: I should have let the toilet defeat me
6: It wasn't.
7: Still wasn't.
8: I was the bitch, I just didn't know it.
9: I found a supplier who carries what I need. For free no less.
It's a Kind of Magic
Keith Barry. Seriously. Freaking cool stuff... I've seen TED talks before, but this is just fun. And this is amazing.
This bastard is going to keep me up reading about magic, because now I want to re-learn how to do it. Frack.
-Jon
Well Crap.
I haven't had insomnia like this in a while. It's almost one in the morning and I simply can't sleep. Hulu doesn't help, but, unfortunately for me, I just went 45 minutes without Hulu, and, frankly... It didn't help at all. So, here I am, hell... I've even taken a(n over the counter) sleeping pill. Which is great and all. Because, damned. I'm tired. Yes, I'm bitter, angry and tired. I'd much rather be lying in bed right now next to my fiancé, but alas, here I am on the couch writing to the internet. I could go lay down, I know I could. Unfortunately, I'm afraid that I would simply relive last night (and so many others) again. Want a replay? Ok., sure.
<
ul>
-Jon
Sweet Mother of Mercy.
I swear, I need a vacation from the vacation. I've been busting all sorts of ass for a week and a half, and now I need to sleep. Which certainly doesn't seem to be happening right now. I want, badly, to have a few days off to recuperate, but I have to be back at work on Wednesday and I still have work to do.
And despite all that, I'm really, honestly, not complaining. I absolutely adore the work I've been doing, the house freaking rocks, and everything in life seems good at the moment. Besides being a bit tired, I have no complaints at all. That's really about it right now, internet, I hope all is well with you. I promise I'll have something to write about soon. Or, perhaps just post about. Maybe a song. Or the long-awaited-redesign (which probably won't happen).
-Jon