Life
It's interesting... This site has existed in one form or another for almost 10 years now. Sometimes I still go back and read the things I used to write and its amazing both how much everything has changed and how completely reading those posts can take me back to a moment. Even the moments that weren't important come back as though they were yesterday. For that simultaneously grateful and terrified my son will find this.
Yup. Almost 10 years ago I started writing my inane ramblings so that I could have a voice that would broadcast to whoever wanted to read it. I thought that it could bring me my 15 minutes, and at the time I was pretty solidly convinced I was going to be alone forever. So I wrote, and It was almost as though I had something to say... As I look back I was mostly a scared, lonely, pissed off 20 year old. It's kind of amazing how the time that I started finding things that made me truly and deeply happy I just naturally stopped pissing and moaning on these here series of tubes.
I've been floundering a bit lately however; not because of any deep sadness or feeling of inadequacy (or any more than I've come to accept as normal), but more because I've lost myself a little bit in those things that I've been doing lately. Married now, and with child I find all I do is work and do those things that an adult is supposed to do... and play video games. I've lost that creative outlet that came with having a well maintained and manicured blog, and I've lost the creative outlet that was playing music out... and thats been kicking my ass a bit.
So, he here I go. I'm going to try to write, and be open in ways that make me more than just a little uncomfortable. We'll see how it goes... And in the interests in opening up, this entire thing has been written listening to music from the greatest decade. The decade at brought us leg warmers and spandex. Oh yeah, 80s represent.
-Jon
Too Long
It's been far too long since I posted something here. I've been incredibly busy with the boy and life, and I really don't have a whole lot to say. Which has been really messing with my head lately.
I used to have an over-abundance of mindless insanity to spew into this site. I could write for at least a few hundred words on damn near anything that might have happened in the day. These days I have nearly nothing to say about anything that happens to me, interesting or not.
I'm not sure what changed, but something is definitely different than it used to be. Could be I'm growing up and I don't feel like sharing as much of my life, but if that were true I probably wouldn't be posting to twitter about how I have a zit in an unfortunate place.
More than anything, I think it's that I don't have time. So, to anyone I ever judged for "not having time to blog," my bad.
HUGS!!!
-J
Terror
I've been thinking about being a parent a lot lately... more accurately, I've been catching myself forgetting that I'm going to be a parent then feeling awfully guilty about it. I mean, it's something I'm thinking about more often than damned near anything else right now, but there are times where I'll completely forget, for a time, that I have a little fetus doing a little "hug-me" dance in my wife's belly.
When I stop to really think about it, I don't think it's so terrible, and I'm sure it's not that uncommon, but damned if I don't feel guilty about it. I mean, that was some time I could have been working on the nursery (it's fully modeled in Sketchup, by the way), or trying to get into shape, or figuring out what I want to be when I grown up, or anything that would help me be a better parent. As excited as I am about being Dad to some little guy or gal, it's really really terrifying to me that I sometimes forget that it's growing. Hell, it's terrifying to me that I still think poop is funny and I'm about have a kid (although: since poop is so funny to me, I'm hoping I'll at least get a good laugh out of the diaper changing)... I don't know what all is going on in my head, but darn it if it isn't going on a lot.
Alright, to bed.
-J
Thanks Brain, You Suck.
Seriously, what the hell. I was very tired, yet not sleepy at all three hours ago when the wife was going to bed. I knew that it wouldn't be too long and I'd head off that way, but I'd play some vidja games first. Except, I was starving so I made a little late-night snack (Velveta, salsa and chips if you must know) with the intention to head straight to bed after. But, wait... I need something to do whilst I munch, and so on went TNG. And there went my night.
Somehow I managed to make it from working on just a nice easy evening to trying to figure out how to make my Rock Band drum kit work for "Actual Recording" so that I didn't have to pound out a drum track one drum at a time on a midi-keyboard. Yup, I know, right? That's the next logical thought to have during a Star Trek episode with nacho-breath.
Next thing I know I'm watching a second episode of Star Trek and doing serious Googley research (thank you O'Riley, for the ability to hone my searching. Fuck you O'Riley for the ability to hone my searches) into the methods for getting the Rock Band drum kit to work on my Mac. Apparently it's not possible without for-pay software, however, if I become an electronica artist Steim's junXion will certainly be my ace in the hole for creating crazy music stuff. That thing will turn my freaking dishwasher into an orchestra (I... ... I might be exaggerating on that... but only a bit... a bit... just a bit...)
I have no idea who these people are, if they're a school, or what... but they seem to have some insanity when it comes to electroic controls for music. And I like it.
Anyways, I've got a conference call in less than 8 hours, and then a day full of beer, BBQ, Beer, and perhaps R/C Cars... because Wednesdays are my Saturdays.
-J
New Years Resolution
So What if I'm a little late on my resolution. I'm here, I'm... wait... no... that's not the right turn of phrase. I'm here, and I'm going to make my resolution late or not. I resolve to write more, write with a purpose and not just post things that follow this basic pattern:
- Bitch
- Bitch
- Bitch
- Mention that I pooped today
- Bitch
- More poop talk
- Bitch
- And I fart
As interesting as those posts can be, they just get... well... repetative. And lots of talking about brown. Anywyas, I've got a lot of work to do on the house, lots of things to do in the yard (speaking of poop -- I don't think you can comprehend how much crap my dog can create -- I'm speaking 1/2 his body weight in a day), and I need to start exercising again. I've been a bad, bad boy when it comes to exercise. But... that's another post. For tonight, I will vamoosh, but blog, I will be back sooner than later. That much, I promise.
-Jon
Still Searching
So, I'm still searching for the right things to say (or would that be the write things to say?!? Ohhhhh!!!!!!!! Boo yah!!!!) But, in the meantime, I had a dream that I'd like to share.
I was on the run with B and someone else. Using a grappling hook, we managed to make it to the top of a bullet train, and so there we sat... on the roof of a bullet train. It was night time, and I was tired -- but I was very nervous about falling off the train -- because that would hurt a lot. So, then, my eyes got really tired and I couldn't stare at all the passing trees (that was my actual thought in the dream), and I lay down on my back next to my wife, who was staring at the beautiful night sky.
We sat there while I was giving her a lecture on the various constellations; constellations like "Mary Tyler Moore" -- the well known constellation that the Aztecs saw where a woman was throwing her hat in the air. Also "Jack Sprat" -- the lesser known pair of constellations of a very thin man next to a woman eating a turkey.
Suddenly, I fell asleep and thought that I was falling off the train but as I rolled, I realized that the bullet train was much wider than I though and that I could roll back and forth with no problem. Then there was a sudden, and inexplicable scene change.
The next thing that happened in my dream involved a giant invading French army led by president Nicolas Sarkozy who had employed ever weapon at his disposal to take over Canada. Apparently every weapon included the title character from the Playstation game God of War, Kratos. So, there I was, in my dream, watching the French try to take over Canada using the extra-fictional God of War from a video game (who has two swords attached to his arms connected by chains -- which, at this point, he was using more for locomotion rather than to attack) when I suddenly realized that I was watching all of this from a giant command center and that I was in charge of the joint US/Canuck forces fighting off Sarkozy.
The last thing I remember is watching Kratos on a monitor attacking a tank. Then all of a sudden everyone in the room was barking and whining like my dog. And, a couple minutes later I was watching my dog poop outside -- only in real life, not in the dream.
-Jon
Well, Then That Happened
So... Depending on how you look at things -- I either just turned 29, or I've got about seven hours and 40 minutes. Either way... I've got 364 more days until I'm 30 (a fact which my wife -- awesome and amazing as she is -- will no doubt not allow me to forget). Frankly -- I'm not actually all that bothered by getting old. I mean, I certainly don't want to make a huge deal out of it, and I'm not so keen on having a huge blow-out party to celebrate my age next year, but it's not a big thing weighing heavy on my mind.
For, I am a kid. Not just a kid at heart, but like, I'm a man-child who can't get his fill of video games and toys. I like my dogs because they are easy to screw with (and I'll be damned if I don't learn to fly the R/C helicopter well enough to chase them), and they are kinda dim-witted. Yes, I am the playground bully of my house. But I'm the playground bully with all the cool toys.
Anyways, I've been thinking about life a lot lately, and things I want to do, have to do, should do, and... well... mostly right now I just want to play with my helicopter. Too bad it's charging.
-Jon
P.S. Yup: this is what happens when Jon write on his blog without knowing what he's going to say before he starts.
Stupid Sleep…
I have been having what can only be described as trouble sleeping. One way or another, I've been sleeping less than I want to. First it was the dogs, then it was... well... this. I just don't get tired for way longer than I want. It's anoying, yet, I get a lot of TV in.
Anyways, I need to get to bed -- my lady is getting all sorts of teeth taken out of her head tomorrow, and I get to play nurse.
-Jon
Learn Disco
<p>I've had <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMAaBlcNy74" target="_blank" title="Learn Disco @ YouTube">this video</a> on my computer for many, many years. I have no idea where I got it or when, but I know that for the last few years I've watched it when I wanted to laugh. This morning? Yeah, I need to laugh. Either laugh or start a fire in the back yard, kill the dogs and roast them (slowly) over an open fire.</p>
<p>Make sure you watch to the end and listen to the song that plays... I swear it's the Disco version of the <a href="http://video.aol.com/video-detail/lothar-of-the-hill-people/66079948" target="_blank" title="Lothar of the Hill of People">Lothar of the Hill People</a> theme.. only in some, what? Eastern European language?</p>
<p>Alright, back to bed.</p>
<p class="signoff">-Jon</p>
For the Paranoid…
Seriously. If you worry about this stuff, and know what stuff I'm talking about, this is how you can protect all your RFID tagged cards from the Man. Make it a bit bigger, and no one can read your unencrypted Passport RFID either. Word.
-Jon