Tomorrow
I'm currently riding an Amtrak train from Kzoo back to the other side of the state to buy a van from my Mom. I have access to the complete internet because my phone works as a broadband-speed modem (even while traveling 80mph in a giant metal tube), I have multiple weeks worth of music in my pocket that I'm listening to (including such trash-pop icons such as Kelly Clarkson, Peaches, and Lady GaGa), and after I'm done with this post, I'm going to read about What to Expect when I'm expecting (or, my wife in this case).
I've been thinking about what it's going to mean to be a father a lot lately, as is probably expected from someone who recently realized that he's definitely, for sure, not sterile. Will I be a good father? Will I be able to help this little bundle of cells that is, as I type, growing "arm nubs" become a generally well adjusted, contributing member of society? Will I have any frame of reference to discuss anything with my child? That's the big one there... I'm terrified that I won't know what to say, how to say it, or what important things I need to listen to. I'm sure that throughout my childhood and adolescence I gave my parents all sorts of clues as to what was actually going on in my life and I'm sure that my interests made it increasingly difficult for them to talk to me.
Oh sure, when I was younger all I wanted to know about was dinosaurs and explosions in movies. But after about 9, I wanted to know not if Messrs. Stallone, Schwarzenegger, or Van Damme would be O.K., but rather what ratio of various explosive substances made it so that they were O.K.. I didn't want to know just how to play a video game, but I wanted to read the entire DOS/Windows manual (and I did. No really. On vacation. Because I'm cool). I fear that I'm going to become the old and jaded out of touch parent that (I always felt that) my parents were.
All in all, of course, they really did a good job by me. They let me learn my lessons in my own way, in my own time (sometimes in my own lots and lots and lots of time), and I just want to make sure that I'm going to be able to do that for my little Baby K.
-Jon