Parental Control
MTV is evil. This Parental Control show is absolutely everything that is wrong with America. Really. I just watched 10 minutes of it, and I don't know if I'll ever feel clean again.
-Jon
B and Jokes
My fiancé is out of this world good at telling jokes. It's not that the delivery is good, it's usually fairly normal. It's not that the jokes she chooses to tell are particularly funny or relevant, they're usually things you've heard before. Her secret lies in here ability to forget every single important detail of a joke and then to tell it so unabashadly wrong that it become so much more than it ever was before. Especially once you've hear six versions of the same joke.
You want an example? Alright, here you go. Original (pick up line): "Is your father a butcher? Cuz it looks like you got two fine hams stuffed down your pants." It's not that funny. It's cheesy and lame, wouldn't ever work for it's supposed purpose, but it's still amusing. Here are the variations that I remember:
- "Is your father a butcher? Cuz you got some fine ham in your pocket."
- "It looks like you have pigs in a blanket... .. .. DAMNIT!
- "It looks like you've got two fried hams." "Uh... ... did you just say fried hams?!?" "... .... ... ...... I didn't mean to."
-Jon
Whatever You Do, Don't Suck My Toes
Seriously, my dog pees a lot. He pees outside, inside, on the bed at night, on my shirt. Sometimes he pees and I don't notice. Then I step in it. Just a little, not enough to be like, dripping, but enough to have to wash it off, only... I think he has super pee. I think it has staying power. I don't think that any amount of scrubbing will ever actually get it off. So please, whatever you do. No matter how good an idea it seems at the time. Don't suck my toes. You'll get some Maggle-pee.
Yes. It is as gross as it sounds.
-Jon
Fallen
I have finally succumed to the social-networking craze. Fuck it. That's what I say. Fine, I'll socially network, but I'm still not on MySpace, because fuck that place. It's hideous. And if there's one thing I can't stand it's a hideous web-platform that lots of people use (yes, I'm looking at you LiveJournal). It's really because I'm so cool. That's what going on, right. Ok. So... anyways, FaceBook. I'd been thinking about joining for a bit... mostly because I just got all engaged and shit and I realized that I had lost touch with many, many people in the last few years and these sites are, in fact, tailor made for... you know... social networking.
Now, I'd been thinking about it, but it wasn't the whole "let people know I'm alive, haven't finished college, and fell in love and all that" that finally pushed me over the edge. Nope, it was that I could get a FaceBook client for my Blackberry. That's, honestly, what pushed me over the edge. And yes, I do realize that I have a completely unhealthy lust for my Blackberry.
-Jon
Torn
I love my toys. I really do. Right now I have my Blackberry set up to (manually) sync my Google Calendar with itself (got a Blackberry? Pick it up here from your Blackberry or here on your compy). I can make a change either place and it'll sync up... No, it doesn't do this automatically. Yes, I'd love it to. But, frankly, I don't make that many changes to my calendar. It if was something that was updated on a constant basis, yeah. I'd want it automatic, but for now... this is sweet. Now, here's my dilemma...
I found this thing that'll run in the background and automatically sync my iCal calendar with the gCal. Do I care? And if I don't, is it cool enough to do anyway? ... ... ... ... yes. I know. If this is the biggest problem I'm facing right now, I should be a very happy person. And. I am. Rawk.
-Jon
Contemplative
I hate people. Really, for as much as I tend to love them, people piss me off with such consistancy I'm amazed I haven't just gone and given up on the whole human race. That would, however, limit me to a life of living in a tree and eating grubs.. which as apetizing as that sounds, I like those off in the distance farmers who raise my potatoes and grow my chickens and plant the beef plants that make red meat oh so good. That's a seed I'd like to see. The Beef Seed. ... .... ...... ok, that got gross. Please do not send, bring, or give me Beef Seed. Ever.
Anyways, after working with the public for the last, oh... gosh. Uh... the last Decade... *shiver* I've come to realize that not only do I not like people, I really don't like people. 10 years ago if asked, I would have said, "Yeah. I pretty much like everyone." And I would've meant it. I would have honestly been able to say that there are few people in the world that I don't like. Today. That would be a bald faced lie. I hate people. I hate people who drive near me. I hate people who come into my store. I hate people who have the audacity to go to the store the same time I do. Breathe my air. Talk close enough that I can, of all things, hear them. Don't they realize just how unbelievably stupid they are?
And now a list of things that people have done to me. Aggressively.
- "Sir, how many minutes does this calling plan have?"
"It has 800 ma'am"
"It has 800?"
*in my head* No! It has 7. I just said 800 to fuck with you and make your phonebill high you... ... ... *out loud* Yes. - Drives 45 in a 55 zone next to someone who is driving 44. They're overtaking them, but.. not really.
- People who laugh at their own jokes (assuming they're actually funny) Ok. People who laugh at random statements about how they drive a big rig truck? Not Ok.
That's all I can actually think of right now. In general, i just want to stop working in front of people day in, day out. I'm ready for a change. I'm ready for something a bit more. I should probably do something about that, eh?
-Jon
There is a Longer Version
There is a longer version of this story, and if you want to hear it, I'll tell you in person. This is the medium version:
So... I've been going out with B for just about exactly a year now. A few weeks ago she ceased being my girlfriend and started the wonderful adventure of being my fiance. This is a weird thing for me. Because I'm surprised I found someone who would voluntarily spend the rest of their life with me. ... ... or, at least, someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, etc, etc... So. We got engaged. After me getting all sorts of shit about, "When are you going to get the ring?" "Do you have a plan?" "My finger is cold and lonely." Seriously, the whole time... the ring was hanging on our dog's collar. It was ridiculous.
Anyways, I can't really say how excited I am or how much I'm dreading the various wedding planning activities I know will be coming up. I do hope that it'll be as easy as she thinks it's going to be, but... frankly, I'm doubting it'll be quite so stress free. We're hoping to get it all together and all that in about a year, so hopefully you'll come. If... you know, you get invited to what will no doubt become known far and wide as the social event of 2008.
-Jon
Just Weird
So, I'm going to skip talking about the trip here. It was awesome, the long version is forthcoming. Instead, I want to mention that it's 6:38am the day after we flew into Grand Rapids at 11:07pm (aka it's been about seven hours twenty minutes since we landed) and I'm still awake, online, writing on my blog and not sleeping happily the way I ought to be. I'm really not sure why that is, to be honest, but I tried to sleep for three hours straight, couldn't, and then got up, hung out with B for a few before she went to work, watched my dog puke for the second time today, watched Heros, played Fallout, and now I'm thinking about sleep. If only for a little while.
I'm hopeful that I won't have to take the dog to the vet... he doesn't have insurance.
-Jon
Don't Drink the Water
So, much has happened in the last few weeks. I'm going to write about the big news later. Super big news. Most everyone probably knows about it. At least, if you're in my address book on my phone you know about it. Anyways, it deserves it's own post. Anyways, I'm not ready to write that one yet, so here I am about to fly out for Mexico, and realized I haven't posted in a hell of a long time. I keep saying I'll get back to posting, and I might. Who knows, right now, I'm rather contented not being online all the time and not having much to say because I'm so damned busy.
So, the Cap and I are leaving for Mexico in, no kidding, six hours. We're flying out of GR at 5:50am. And that just sucks hard. Hard monkey butts. Anyways, hopefully we'll have time to visit the "All Crichton/Grisham" bookstore in the airport, I love that place.
-Jon