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2 for the Price of 1 or I've Had Three Kinds!

So, today I had some blood drawn. Why? I'm not entirely sure myself. I'm going to go see a new doctor on Monday and he wants me to have some tracks when I see him, I guess. Maybe he wants to have an idea of how (un)healthy I am before I start seeing him so that once he fixes me he can feel better about himself as a doctor. Really, I'm not sure. I could have told him I'm not all that healthy -- but seeing as how I'm not a trained medicine man, he probably wouldn't have believed me.

So I go to the lab to get my blood drawn and I have that momentary "Oh snap. I'm about to volentarily have someone dig around my arm with a needle to take away that which gives me life" moment. It passed, and then the lab tech (very cute girl... probably a few years younger than me... .... ...... ...... with a picture of her wedding on her desk. How much of a failure did I feel like at that moment? ... ... honestly? I just assumed that they had an unhappy marriage that was going to end soon to make myself feel better) proceeded to dig around my left arm with a needle. "Sorry.. just trying to find it here... ..." "Oh, look, a squirt..." "Uh... sorry this is taking so long...." Really. I don't mind needles that much. I don't mind giving blood... but when you feel the tech move the needle around your arm in a vain (pun intended) attempt to find your vein... well... it gets old real quick. So, she gave up after only getting "a little squirt" out of my left arm... then she went to my right arm. Bingo. 20 seconds later she had all of my precious precious fluid that she needed... and I was on my way... except for one thing; but first.....

Now, let me go back in time a bit to the lady at the doctor's office I had talked to a few weeks ago when I scheduled my appointment. "When you have your blood work done you have to fast for 12 hours before hand. You can't eat or drink anything for 12 hours." On the paper work that was sent to me, "Fast for 12 hours!!!" When I got to the lab, "Have you fasted?" When the lab tech took me back, "Did you fast?" Yes. I fasted. I didn't eat (except for that handfull of mixed nuts I had this morning when I had momentarily forgotten about the whole fasting thing... but I spit most of them out)...

"Oh, wait. I forgot. I need a urine sample too."

You're f*ing kidding me. Already.... (I swear) I had been told that the tech had a hard time drawing blood because I hadn't drank anything today. Which was weird to me, becuse I had been told, repeatedly, not to eat or drink. And now I was being told to piss on command like some sort of trained monkey. Seriously, this wasn't going to end well.

Anyways, that was my early afternoon... ... well. That's not totally true. First this afternoon Jo and I counted the money from my piggy bank. My piggy bank weighed easily 35-40 lbs and had a lot of cash in it. When it was all said and done? $197 in cash alone. 120 in quarters. 40 in dimes. And another 40 in mixed change. plus another bag with about 30 some. Seriously. I had over $400 in my big purple piggy bank. Then, after it was all seperated and counted, I went to the bank. "Oh... ... ... ... ... ... it's not rolled? It needs to be rolled..." Then, after 30 minutes of rolling change at the bank, looking like an idiot, I deposited $97 in cash and $154 in change. I'm going to count and roll the rest later.

Which brings me to why the change was finally counted. ... ..... ....... I'm going to buy a computer. Within the next week, I will put it on order. And when it comes in, all of my computer problems will be solved. Also, world hunger will end and we will have peace on earth. That's how freaking cool this computer is. Believe it.

Which now brings us to tonight. Wings game. Great game, a bit angry -- but they won and Shanny got to hit someone in the head, and who can argue with that? Later, as Jo, Nick and I drove home, there was a conversation about orgasms. Jo mentioned that there are 8 kinds of female orgasm while men only have 1 kind. "Well, I personally have had 3 kinds of orgasm." came a voice from the back. For Nick, there are three kinds of orgamsms: When you're alone and you cum and then you're like, 'Where's the pizza.'" Then when you're with a girl and you're like, 'I love you... ... where's the pizza?'" And finally when you get really good head and you forget about the pizza.

Amen brother. Amen.

-Jon

No One Else

"I'm glad you took over... There's no one else I'd rather have running the Open Mic..." -- Lauren @ Boomerang's.

There are very few compliments that I hear when I play out that I feel are genuine and w/out pretense. That was one of them. It wasn't about my playing, my music, my performance or my attitude. It was just a simple I'm glad it's you. I know, I know. I'm an a$$hole if I don't just accept what people tell me -- but more often than not when people compliment me it's other open mic performers and, especially now that I'm running the show again, it feels like sucking up so I treat them well when I play. .. ... ..... granted, I know that it's not -- really -- but that's how I hear it. It's really hard to hear someone tell me I do it well and believe that there isn't some other, more sinister, motivation. But when it's someone who's paid to be there whether or not I'm there, and they're just saying goodbye and throw in a little extra something... ... Well. That's something even I can't ignore. So. Yeah. Tonight was good. Hell, tonight was great. You missed it (unless you were there -- but, admit it, you weren't), and that's a shame. Be there next week. Same Open time, same Open channel.

-Jon

P.S. I'm so freaking exhausted that my eyes have been burning for the last 15 hours. I woke up about... oh. Fourteen hours ago. Yes. My math is correct. My eyes have been burning, telling me to go to bed, longer than I've been awake -- that's how freaking tired I am.