Omlets Acording to Jon
The second in my ongoing series of articles about how to live life, acording to Jon. This time we discuss that oh-so-loved combination of unborn chickens, cheese, and often other stuff.
How to make an omlet at, we'll say, a fancy resturaunt
Plan ahead; i.e. know if there will be mushrooms and green peppers in your omlet as oposed to just cheese, or cheese brocolli and water chesnuts. Prepare ingreedients for omlet (saute onions or whatever else may need sauteing, etc). Heat pan, put in butter, when butter stops foaming add eggs. Make sure pan is not at too high a heat, when egg starts to cook, slowly lift up egg from pan and allow liquid egg to run under cooked egg and then, itself, cook. Repeat until eggs are mostly (only mostly) all cooked. Add ingreedients to one side of egg "pancake." Don't overfill. Carefully, with spatula (not fingers) lift side of eggs that doesn't have stuff and fold over the stuff. Make sure the fold is nice, pretty, and most of all that all the stuff ends up inside the eggs. Put pan in oven (or under broiler) with some more cheese on top. Allow eggs to finish setting, 5-10 minutes (probably closer to five) take omlet out of oven, plate onto a nice plate, sprinkle with chives/green onions.
How to make an omlet in Jon's world -- Once again in list form
- Watch TV
- Realize that you're hungry
- Continue watching TV
- When motivation finally comes in from the cold, go to kitchen, realize that all you have to eat in the house is eggs, cheese, and "stuff" ("stuff" being any combination of breakfast meats, ground beef (not a breakfast meat, is it? right, so it gets it's own listing), cheese, salt, pepper, onion, garlic, mushrooms, brocolli, red peppers, and one time an orange)
- Decide to make an omlet
- Start heating pan
- Decide what to put in omlet -- for this example, we'll say bacon, onion, cheese
- Start cutting onion
- Realize that pan is getting too hot, turn heat down and remove pan from heat
- While pan is off heat, add bacon
- Continue cutting onion
- Realize that bacon stopped sizling, put pan back on heat.
- When bacon is nearly cooked, add onion to pan -- now we have a decision to make
- Decide if you want to make a "true" (read: folded) omlet, or a "lazy" (read: not folded) omlet. 9 times out of 10, we choose "lazy."
- When onion is almost done, realize eggs aren't out of carton, let alone cracked or mixed... decide that's not a problem, we're already being lazy, let's go all the way.
- Crack eggs straight into pan. Allow to set about 2/3rds of the way to where you want them.
- Flip the entire glob of eggs, bacon, and onion. This results in a huge over-easy egg (usually 3-4 in fact, and it could be over-well, or whatever... depending on your prefrence).
- Decide that it's time for cheese
- EXTREMELY QUICKLY CUT CHEESE
- Throw cheese on top.
- Flip this whole breakfast pie onto a plate, with cheese side down so as to let it melt.
- Look for a fork.
- Find dirty fork in sink
- Wash fork.
- Eat and enjoy.
This is really how I usually make eggs. Sometimes I scramble the eggs. Sometimes I don't add cheese (when I make the described breakfast pie, I usually don't add cheese...) Course, when I need to impress... I also know how to kick some ass on the "true" omlet. I just usually don't see the point. The way I make it takes 10 minutes start to finish (longer with bacon, shorter with other, quicker cooking, breakfast meat), and it tastes exactly the same... Or better... if you like the fried egg taste over scrambled... Mmmm... I want one now... but I shant have it.
Look Ma, I used "shant" in a sentance. Aren't you proud?