Regrets
I was just daydreaming about someone asking me if I had any regrets in life. This person said to me, "Hey there Jon-boy, what do you think you'd tell your son if he asked you if you have any regrets..." I thought about it, and replied, "Well Bob," the dude in my daydream was named Bob I guess, "Well Bob," I said, "I think I'd have to tell him that the only thing I regret in life so far is that I am not now, nor have I ever been, a member (founding or otherwise) of a comedy troupe."
This, of course, begs the question of WHY I would want to be a member of a comedy troupe. Well, frankly, I think that it'd be nice to one day have my son ask me who those weirdos are in that picture up there on the shelf (in this mythical future I'm building in my head, we keep pictures on a shelf you see). My response would be something along the lines of, "Oh son, that's my old comedy troupe. We used to to sketch comedy for strangers on the streets of Buffalo for spare change and used cigars. That one, Ol' Big Jim Bob, would sometimes get dressed up as a woman so that the sketches could make more sense. Also, I think he liked it. After we worked together for a while, we made a few movies, had a TV show and I ended up playing Q in a few of the Bond movies. After my movie career I had a rough patch where I had to go to the Mary Kate and Ashley Rehabilitation Center to get over my addiction to US Weekly. Eventually I cleaned myself up, got a good job and that's the story of how I met your mother."
You know how you can have lucid dreams? Yeah, this was the opposite of that. I was awake and had no control of the daydream.
-J
PS: Then I woke up and got a call from the operator and she was screaming, "THE CALLS ARE COMING FROM INSIDE YOUR HOUSE! INSIDE YOUR HOUSE!!!!
Life
It's interesting... This site has existed in one form or another for almost 10 years now. Sometimes I still go back and read the things I used to write and its amazing both how much everything has changed and how completely reading those posts can take me back to a moment. Even the moments that weren't important come back as though they were yesterday. For that simultaneously grateful and terrified my son will find this.
Yup. Almost 10 years ago I started writing my inane ramblings so that I could have a voice that would broadcast to whoever wanted to read it. I thought that it could bring me my 15 minutes, and at the time I was pretty solidly convinced I was going to be alone forever. So I wrote, and It was almost as though I had something to say... As I look back I was mostly a scared, lonely, pissed off 20 year old. It's kind of amazing how the time that I started finding things that made me truly and deeply happy I just naturally stopped pissing and moaning on these here series of tubes.
I've been floundering a bit lately however; not because of any deep sadness or feeling of inadequacy (or any more than I've come to accept as normal), but more because I've lost myself a little bit in those things that I've been doing lately. Married now, and with child I find all I do is work and do those things that an adult is supposed to do... and play video games. I've lost that creative outlet that came with having a well maintained and manicured blog, and I've lost the creative outlet that was playing music out... and thats been kicking my ass a bit.
So, he here I go. I'm going to try to write, and be open in ways that make me more than just a little uncomfortable. We'll see how it goes... And in the interests in opening up, this entire thing has been written listening to music from the greatest decade. The decade at brought us leg warmers and spandex. Oh yeah, 80s represent.
-Jon
Too Long
It's been far too long since I posted something here. I've been incredibly busy with the boy and life, and I really don't have a whole lot to say. Which has been really messing with my head lately.
I used to have an over-abundance of mindless insanity to spew into this site. I could write for at least a few hundred words on damn near anything that might have happened in the day. These days I have nearly nothing to say about anything that happens to me, interesting or not.
I'm not sure what changed, but something is definitely different than it used to be. Could be I'm growing up and I don't feel like sharing as much of my life, but if that were true I probably wouldn't be posting to twitter about how I have a zit in an unfortunate place.
More than anything, I think it's that I don't have time. So, to anyone I ever judged for "not having time to blog," my bad.
HUGS!!!
-J
iPadding
So I feel that with all the coverage that the so-called Moses Tablet has gotten from, well, everyone lately that it would be prudent for me to share mine. This'll be short, as I have to get to bed soon.
The quick and dirty review if the iPad is as follows: Do you need it? Of course not, but you'll have it, or something like it sooner than you think, and it really will make the way you interact with computers and the internet change on a fundamental level.
The slightly longer version is that it is, at it's core, nothing more than you already have. In fact, as so many (including my father) are quick to point out, its quite a bit less. Less flexibility, less software, less screen space, etc etc etc. Is it true? Of course, but that's the idea. The iPad, to me, is nothing more than an internet appliance that is really shockingly good at staying the hell out of the way. There are reviews out there about the emotional connection you can make with this thing... And... Well... Sorta. Using this really reminds me most of the newspaper, but not the overly corporatized papers of today, the papers from some idyllic yesteryear with personality and oil-based ink.
The iPad has the same personality (or at least makes said personality easily accessible), and the oil goes from your fingers to it this time... But the same romanticized relationship that I imagine people used to have with the paper can now exist with this thing. It's easy, portable, and it just gets out of the way. I have literally been on my computer once since I got this and that was only because B needed something transferred and I didn't want to fumble with the VNC app I have... So I just went downstairs to take care of it.
So where does the iPad leave traditional computers? Right where they are now, on the desk, in a bag... Slowly but surely I can see a household having multiple terminals like what i have on my lap right now and maybe one full blown computer to get the more hardcore work done. It's exciting, and no kidding... If this does nothing else, I will end up reading a hell of a lot of public domain books.
Letters to the Boy
I've started a project (I started it a good while ago actually) where I am writing letters to my son as he gestates. I have a couple of them already, and I haven't decided yet if I want to share them with the world or if I'm going to keep them as a private note to my son -- however... I want ideas on topics to write about. So far I have written (and rewritten, and rewritten) about his name, and I have one written about B and I met. Some other topics I'm thinking about writing are:
Real Men Cry: What every man needs to know about emotions
The easiest thing is not always the right thing, unless it is
If you use 3 words when you could have used 10, you're not trying hard enough
Don't Be Like your dad and drop out of school twice
Some of them won't happen, and more (hopefully) will... but any ideas would be awesome.
-J
Things I Wish I Had Said
To that girl I knew in High School, "I'm not saying I'm not an idiot, I'm just saying you're a bitch."
To that guy who was at my store that time, "Yes, I understand there is a long line, And I understand that you have better things to do, but do you understand that by sitting here and yelling at me you don't move up in line and, in fact, you make the line go much, much slower?"
To that guy, "What the fuck man, what the fuck?
To that lady in the store, "NO! Please don't call the police, it was an accident."
To the mall security guard that kicked me out of the mall, "Dude, you're kicking me out becuase I 'did not purchase anything?' Seriously? I BOUGHT LUNCH AT THE FOOD COURT!!!! BOOH YAH!!!!!!!!!!!"
To my old boss that time, "You said you'd give me a promotion for transferring stores against my wishes, and you said you wouldn't transfer me stores without talking to me again, and you did it again. You're a dick, Dick."
To my wife that time, "You have an unhealthy relationship with peopleofwalmart.com, but I still love you."
Terror
I've been thinking about being a parent a lot lately... more accurately, I've been catching myself forgetting that I'm going to be a parent then feeling awfully guilty about it. I mean, it's something I'm thinking about more often than damned near anything else right now, but there are times where I'll completely forget, for a time, that I have a little fetus doing a little "hug-me" dance in my wife's belly.
When I stop to really think about it, I don't think it's so terrible, and I'm sure it's not that uncommon, but damned if I don't feel guilty about it. I mean, that was some time I could have been working on the nursery (it's fully modeled in Sketchup, by the way), or trying to get into shape, or figuring out what I want to be when I grown up, or anything that would help me be a better parent. As excited as I am about being Dad to some little guy or gal, it's really really terrifying to me that I sometimes forget that it's growing. Hell, it's terrifying to me that I still think poop is funny and I'm about have a kid (although: since poop is so funny to me, I'm hoping I'll at least get a good laugh out of the diaper changing)... I don't know what all is going on in my head, but darn it if it isn't going on a lot.
Alright, to bed.
-J
Thanks Brain, You Suck.
Seriously, what the hell. I was very tired, yet not sleepy at all three hours ago when the wife was going to bed. I knew that it wouldn't be too long and I'd head off that way, but I'd play some vidja games first. Except, I was starving so I made a little late-night snack (Velveta, salsa and chips if you must know) with the intention to head straight to bed after. But, wait... I need something to do whilst I munch, and so on went TNG. And there went my night.
Somehow I managed to make it from working on just a nice easy evening to trying to figure out how to make my Rock Band drum kit work for "Actual Recording" so that I didn't have to pound out a drum track one drum at a time on a midi-keyboard. Yup, I know, right? That's the next logical thought to have during a Star Trek episode with nacho-breath.
Next thing I know I'm watching a second episode of Star Trek and doing serious Googley research (thank you O'Riley, for the ability to hone my searching. Fuck you O'Riley for the ability to hone my searches) into the methods for getting the Rock Band drum kit to work on my Mac. Apparently it's not possible without for-pay software, however, if I become an electronica artist Steim's junXion will certainly be my ace in the hole for creating crazy music stuff. That thing will turn my freaking dishwasher into an orchestra (I... ... I might be exaggerating on that... but only a bit... a bit... just a bit...)
I have no idea who these people are, if they're a school, or what... but they seem to have some insanity when it comes to electroic controls for music. And I like it.
Anyways, I've got a conference call in less than 8 hours, and then a day full of beer, BBQ, Beer, and perhaps R/C Cars... because Wednesdays are my Saturdays.
-J
Burned is as Burned Does
Nope, I will never understand why I made a Forrest Gump reference there either... anyways... Went on a trip this weekend. Worked Friday and Saturday and then headed off from work to Muskegon, and a couple hours later I ate some of the thinnest pizza ever. Pretty damned good if it weren't for the gas later (well, ok, the gas ruined nothing, but still). Then I tried to make a fire.
The fire was less than particularly successful despite the copious amounts of lamp oil (from '06) and lighter fluid. Stupid green wood having to season and dry out before it'll burn like fire... crazy ass lightning storm that night? Totally made up for firefail.
Today at the beech was, to be brief: sunburnalicious. To be less brief: Great time, lots of playing in the waves like a five year old (can't wait to have a five year old of my own to watch do the exact same things I like doing, only it's age appropriate and not at all weird), little sitting in the sun, not nearly enough sunblock. Which brings us to the HOLY CRAP MY NECK IS ON FIRE! IT'S NOT ON FIRE? IT FEELS LIKE IT'S ON FIRE! FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, LET ME STOP DROP AND ROLL!!!!!
And that was my weekend. I will call it successful.
-J
Well… Here We Go Again
So, here I am at the desk in my office. I'm trying, desperately, to work on getting a space put together where I can be productive on all the many, many projects that I have going. Not the least of which is making a new layout for this site. I kinda hate the way it looks right now, but it's got a lot of neat javascript things going on and that makes me happy. Whenever I actually go to make the layout myself I will, of course, cease all javascripting goodies because I've never learned how to effectively use them (read: they always break when I use them).
I am trying a few plugins here at QuoCentral (new title needs to happen also eventually -- just haven't gotten there yet). phpMarkdown is the most important of the two. The other is Akismet, which is comment spam filtering. So once I get that configured, I'm going to try to turn on open comments again. Why? Because I know how many of you internetziens are out there trying to comment and just can't figure out the WordPress Captcha to make some pithy remarks regarding my prose. I also want to work in some Twitter plugin to allow my tweets to be archived here as well. That'd be swell. I will never, however, make a tweet regarding one of my new posts. Because I'm not important enough. Only Wil has that right.
Anyways, I'll try to write something of consequense here later today. I've got a few projects that I'm working on right now. So, peace out homey.
-J